Hey everyone, I don't know how to feel about this, and I've been crying a lot. This community seems nice, so I wanna hear your opinions.
I'm a Caucasian male. I woke up this morning to my pregnant mother crying, I rush downstairs to see what's wrong with her. Apparently, our rooster, the alpha, attacked her. She fell on the ground and proceeded to be attacked by him. Then she ran inside with some injuries.
When I heard this I was furious. Our roosters are kind of feral, they escaped their enclosure multiple of times (We prefer to do our chickens free range, so they were free to begin with.) and started resting in the trees. Our alpha, he seems pretty angsty, and beats up the other roosters, including humans.
Once I heard he attacked my mother, and possibly injured my unborn brother or sister, I was very angry/upset. I ran upstairs, put my hair up, put on my shoes, grabbed a bat, then went outside. I wish I didn't act on impulse.. Right when I saw him, he entered a fighting stance, and I gave him one good swing.
After i hit him, I immediately felt weird, and awful. He started flipping out, flapping his wings everywhere. He looked like he was having a seizure, which he probably was. After about 20 seconds of this, he stopped. In the middle of our grass. With blood just leaking out of his head.
I stood looking at him for a moment, shocked. I then ran inside, and started to freak out. Because I took another creatures life. I felt, so awful.. I still do. I started to hysterically cry, and freak out. Wishing I didn't do that. I wasn't trying to kill him, I was just trying to make a statement. I didn't understand how fragile roosters really are.. I cried for another ten minutes, saying he didn't deserve that, and that it's not his fault he's feral. My mother is trying to calm me down, saying we were gonna kill them anyways (Which we were, but.. I killed him out of anger.). But I still felt awful..
I went into my room, cried into my pillow for what seemed like 5 minutes, but then I remembered his body is still there. I couldn't just leave it.
I went outside, my face felt sticky from all of the tears that I shed. I sat down next to him, and did something like a prayer. I profusely apologized, wishing he would be reincarnated into a human, so he could live a better, happier life. If reincarnation exists.
I put on some gloves, went behind our house into the forest, and then I started to bury him. I dug the hole, and put him in gently. I prayed one more time. Before completely covering him. I have felt like the most terrible human being on the face of this earth ever since. It's not like I can even thank him for dying, it's not like I ate him. I just brutally murdered him in cold blood.
One thing that's been helping me, is one of our baby chicks we bought is looking sick. So I took her inside, and put her in her own container, with a heat lamp. I really hope I can save her...
Sorry if it was long... I guess I just had to rant. Feedback is greatly appreciated.