Originally Posted by oesdog
We have had a deal of issues in our home over a number of years.
From having to deal with bringing up two disabled boys to having our own medical issues.
I am having ongoing tests for MS and have been diagnosed with Trigeminal neuralgia. I also have other issues like Anemia and problems with my movements and co-ordination and balance. I get vertigo a lot and my hands are now quite curled and difficult to use. I am also having vision issues as well so things are hard enough.
However Hubby dear DH is struggling a lot as he has had major surgery on his spine and now has a cage holding his head on. He has two other areas of his spine which are badly crumbling which will need treatment in the future. He has also ongoing heart problems and has had heart attacks and stents put in. The surgery last year was hard on him and it permanently damaged his voice. He sings and so this is very hard on him. He gets very down. We are now back to going to speech therapy to try to get him to learn to manage this speech issues with breathing techniques etc. When I had a brain scan last week at the hospital he went "wandering!" The OT found him and told him off because he was walking with a deal of pain and she made him put the stick away in the car and gave him two crutches to use. He has a rollator and a mobility scooter as well. But if you looked at him you would think oh he is a big healthy guy! But that isn;t the case. He is on major amounts of morphine everyday. He cries a lot everyday and I am finding it hard to handle. When I went through difficult times and severe depression I talked to me GP all the time and a friend who was trained in mental health. I largely protected my family from my feelings and was able to box them up! But hubby can;t and I am continuously shouldering the deep depression he has. As his carer I am finding it so hard. My Mother had Polio my sister MS, My Twins Brain damage and now Hubby? I am drowning in others disability and I am exhausted and ill myself.
Does anyone else out there struggle with depression and can help me to support hubby better. It is hard work listening to all the negativity and I so want him to see all the blessings we do have going for us. Especially now we don;t have the kids to look after as both are in the care of supported living services now. We are still young enough to have a life but DH is always in such pain and is always low. What can I do ??????????
I am so sorry you are having so many problems of your own. Even though he is your husband, at some point you have to say they are not your problems. I mean, you cannot really "shoulder" or absorb another's emotions, even if that person is your husband. I would say there is nothing you can do, as the mental health professionals are not even effective, aye? Out of your circle of responsibility. Your main focus should be getting him qualified proffessional help he needs. Vitamins aint gonna do it. Redirecting his interests aint gonna do it.
Your husband has decided to remain ill, which makes him more sick. Why else would he pick up heavy weights against Drs orders, knowing it hurts. If he cant stand at choir practice, for Gods sake, get him a chair. I know you are in another country, but here disabled people have rights. And dont tell me he doesnt want to be disabled. The gap between what we want, and what we are, is something we all have to negotiate. Either we adjust, or deny the truth and go mad.
Somewhere you said he is on appropriate drugs. If he is crying every day, the anti depressant is not appropriate. He needs something else, or more. I was on a cocktail myself since March 6, 2014, when mh husband of 18 years woke me from a nap and shot himself in the head. That would be diagnosed as PTSD with nightmares every night, preventing me from sleeping. Afraid to let myself sleep. Which means i am up all night, asleep during the day, when i can open eyes and see day. My new Psychiatrist prescribed a pill, nightmares where gone. Period. In one night. So, same thing with the Dr. Who is giving him unobtainable activities. Get new Dr. You have to. She doesnt know what she is doing.
Recently my Dr. Also gave me Morphine. It took away chronic level 10 pain. I felt better immediately. So, dont get confused. He is in pain. Without Morphine he will be crying more. Morphine is not psychiatric drug. Research all his drugs and get informed.
If it were my church, i would ask the other choir members to not point out the obvious about his singing. If they cant go that I would be angry. The church is here to help, not injure.
So, while we are on that subject, I pray you are both saved. When you say "What can I do?" again, not much. This problem is God sized, and must be layed down for Him to work on both of you.
When my husband was alive, i was counseled to divorce, by Christian counselor. You have to grab the life bouy and keep you afloat for the rest of your family and for you. Besides, we have already established untill he decides, he will get worse, right? So you disconnect anf get better.
What kind of services do you have in your country to help? Caregivers? Bus rides to medical appts? Find out and use them. ASAP
I moved to SC Aug 19, 2015 to escape my Borderline emotionally abusive mother in another state. I lived there 3 years trying to help her. This is where my husband died. After he died, i just coild not deal with her any more. I felt alot like you. When i got here, i sat on my bed snd watchded hummingbirds. Fobbr hours days weeks months. I startred see chickens in the back yard. I do not have income for any more animals. But every day I saw chickens. Researched breeds, health, coops, eggs, everything. I just moved babies inyo coop yesterday. Gof gave md the vision, and there is a big reason He wants me to have chickens. Maybe to destress, maybe more.
When you cant do your life, just do the bare minimjm untill you can do your life again.
I pray you will recieve divine comfort and blessings, and healing, in Jesus name, Amen. I am blessed beyond words.