Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

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How about those perky little alarm farts that startle you ?

I sleep on my side and one of my cats likes to sleep on top of the covers but right behind me - she'll get herself all comfy and plop her backside right up against mine. Well morning time means a sharp loud sound and "BOING" that cat is off the bed .... I'd feel sorry for her, but I'm laughing, and besides she must not mind too much cause she sleeps in her favourite spot almost every night.

Corny alert: What's the sharpest thing in the world? A fart, cause it goes through your pants without leaving a hole.....
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OK I'm done now.
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I made my Dad hurl on the freeway.

I had just eaten a HUGE bowl of fresh picked cherries then about three hours later we had to take an hour trip to the airport.
I let the SBD fly in the car, winter, windows up, heater full blast.

Pop was weaving all over two lanes, I was ROFLMAO.
THEN WE GOT STOPPED BY THE HIGHWAY PATROL!!!
Pop was heaving his lunch, I was crying from laughter, Police officer took one step near the open car door, stepped back and patted my dad on the back, got in his cruiser and left.

I caught it but good when I got home......
 
Sometimes when I fart I will pull my leg up so that it isn't all that loud. No one was home on this day in question. One day I got home changed into my shorts to go outside. After being outside for a while I came in and was throwing something in the trash and thought to myself "man I need to fart." But it didn't feel right so I went real cautious and let one go. No problem no one is home and I can let go without being sickening. 5 minutes later I was by the front door and felt it again, lifted my leg a little, let go a little rip...but this time I heard a different almost eerie sound of sssspppmmmp and when I looked down I had a small turd on the ground. This baffled me. Besides the kitchen floor and a pin head spec on my sock nothing was touched. It went straight through my boxers, around my leg, out my shorts NOT TOUCHING A THING and on the floor. I went to the bathroom to wipe, but nothing. This was the most amazing, funny, and weird thing to ever happen to me.
 
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Don't worry...that is my first post I am still being shy. I will open up later and won't tone it down so much.
 
We were talking about driving. DH said "children, you must operated both the gas peddle and the brake with your right foot." DD replied that her mother (me) pushes with her left foot. I had to stop the driving discussion & pull DH aside to explain that I push on the left side foot rest when I want to let one! I dunno, it's just weird, but I need that tension.
 
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Don't worry...that is my first post I am still being shy. I will open up later and won't tone it down so much.

You call that SHY?!!

Oh please!
 
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