OMG, these stories are so funny that i am crying.
My Uncle is the orneriest person ever. He married a very prim and proper lady. He was always farting on her & around her constantly. He even did the old "pull the covers over her head and fart" trick. After a few years of this behavior, she had enough. She got ready for bed one night and felt a fart coming on. She removed her panties and sat on his lap. (he was in shorts ready for bed too) He starting thinking about something else, obviously. She farted, only it was a runny fart. My Uncle yells, "you sh-t on me, you sh-t on me". My Aunt, calmly gets up and walks off. He has never farted on her since.
We were shopping in Walmart and I had an upset stomach, it was a stressful shopping trip around the holidays. DH knew I didnt feel good, so he runs down to the end to get the milk. Coming back he wonders what I think is so funny. I couldnt hold the fart in any longer and just let it rip. The smell was so bad, that I left the isle and stood at the end of another isle, waiting on DH. I was laughing at all the people who walked thru the 'green cloud'. Mothers would wave their hands, one little boy stopped and clapped both hands over his mouth and nose. DH just couldn't believe I was so amused. He always asks if I am feeling ok, before we go into walmart.