Duct tape is like the Force; it has a dark side, a light side, and it's what holds the universe together.-Duckluv
The prime motivation for all human behavior is the need to feel superior to someone else.
When given a choice, people will always do the dumbest thing under the circumstances.
The more you understand, the crazier you get.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. ~ Albert Einstein
At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual. ~ Patrick Moore
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. ~ Mark Twain
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. ~ Christopher Isherwood
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. ~ Sean O'Cassey
In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season. ~ Billy Vaughan
The shinbone is a device that is made for finding furniture in a dark room.-???
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.-???
House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.-???
If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.-???
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.-???
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...-???
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway-???
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.-???
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.-???
life, n.: A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while-???
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.-???
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.-???
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.-???
An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the president but is always polite to traffic cops.-???
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.-???
“-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?
Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.-Terry Pratchett
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
― Rodney Dangerfield
“Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.”― Rodney Dangerfield
“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”― Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”― George Carlin
Edited by Staff