My DD is about to drive me round the bend!

Sorry, huge amounts of patience? When my middle son was younger I used to have to let him know ahead of time when something had to be done. For example: you can play for 15 more minutes then you have to take a bath.
Have you tried a family counselor?

I am a teacher, and I do know what you are talking about. When I have had children like this is class, it can be a bit tough. (You are not alone) Sometimes what has helped me, is when they are having a melt down, if you or they have the least bit of control at this point I tell them to go to the bathroom and wash their face, (this gets rid of the audience, and there is the physical aspect of cold water on the face) or give them a drink of water and make them drink it. It is very hard to yell, while drinking, wrap your arms around the child and hold the glass to her lips. Every time she starts in again, give her more water. Even sobbing will stop for a second or two, to swallow the water. Again the cold water seems to calm them down. A lot of the time, their emotional outburst fuels itself, and if you can get it stopped right away, the child can get control.

Another idea, if whatever you are trying now is not working, try something else. That will often startle the child out of it. So if you respond by being reasonable, try being unreasonable, try yelling back, or singing real loud, louder than the child. Or if you are a yeller, try whispering or hugging the child tightly to yourself. This has proven effective, if you can just find the right one, and the right one won't work everytime, so mix it up a bit.

In my humble opinion, the best gift you can give your child, is self control. Nothing else will really make a difference until she is contol of herself. Often times a child like this gets to feeling that she cannot control herself, and you may think that too. But you need to tell her over and over, that she CAN control this and needs to.

Mrs.K

my sister specializes in children of that age and would probably have ideas I will ask her.

I have been going through a similar thing with my ds. any change to his "plans" or slight deviation he has an inconsolable meltdown. He is 4 but same thing I think might be going on.

Since I am not very organized and because it is just us my sister suggested putting up a daily schedule.

She made laminated cards (she is a teacher and has access to all this stuff I can email you a copy to print if you like) of each activity with correlating pic. for example we have the following cards and many more: Wake up, Take Medicine, Use Potty, Brush Teeth, Watch TV, Play Outside, Go to CVS, Go To School, Lunch Time, etc...

each one is on a card about 2 x 3 inches big and has a piece of Velcro on the back. I than ran a strip of Velcro down the wall and I arrange them either before he wakes or after he goes to sleep. Each morning he looks at the chart and is happy to follow it, if he wants to make a change he will say so, but it seems to make transitions, and doing the things he does not like so much easier. Maybe it is because he sees that after the "teeth brushing" comes play time, or reading time, or maybe it is just easier to follow because he is used to a similar set up in his pre school classroom. Most schools use some sort of clean-up cart, jobs chart, or schedule chart of some sort so it is familiar to the kids.

Also we made a long laminated card that has very specific picture reference that says

STOP CRYING AND TALK
with a pic of a boy crying, then the stop sign, then a picture of a boy talking.

When he starts to cry I get the card and hold it up and say the words. It does not always work but it is working better than just speaking to him.

I have WHAT in my yard? :

My DD is 9.   She is sweet and loving and kind and everything she should be.  I am grateful that she is healthy and smart.  Here it comes - BUT she is also an extremely emotional anxious child.  It is as if she inherited any neuroses both DH and I had, and squared it!  She is dyslexic which I know creates enormous frustration for her. 

Every little thing is a huge drama.  She freaks out about any deviation in her lifestyle - unless of course she is the one who chose it!  She can be happy and playing one minute and having an absolute fit the next.  She over reacts to anything anyone says to her.  I would say it was hormones,  but she has always been like this.  It is like she has no governor on her emotions.  Whatever she feels, she feels to the tenth degree and it comes out!

She sees the counselor at school,  who agrees that she is an "unusually sensitive child".  But that's it.  She doesn't have to live with her. 

She makes it very difficult to want to help her because she gets so stubborn and irrational.

Any advice?  Any ideas?

I have 4 children, 3 of which are girls, ages 22, 14, and 12.

Believe it or not, your child is normal. It is a stage girls go through. Some hit it earlier than others.

Please do not let people think or try to diagnose your daughter with some emotional disorder or even 'overly sensitive'.  Your grandmother or great grandmother would identify her as 'high strung'.

I promise you she is normal. The behavior is normal. She is a girl coming into that awkward age of not being a little kid and not being a teen. 10 - 12 is rough these days. Far rougher than we experienced.

So much is expected at school and home and the load is hard enough to carry without trying to figure out the new rules of what is being expected when, of trying not to be a little kid and knowing you're not yet at the age where you know you are coming into your own self.

Hug her, help her find the words to replace the emotional chaos, but most of all let her know you understand her frustration and are willing to help but she has to help in return.

And yes, with all the hormone and growth additives in milk and beef girls are seeing early maturity (much earlier than previous generations) and she may be having some hormonal episodes.  She may even start her period in the next year. All of my girls did between the ages of 10 - 12.

Don't try to talk it out in the middle of a break down, give her time to get herself together then talk to her about it. Help her to identify what sets her off and maybe next time you and she can get through it without a melt down.

I have a 12 yr old girl and I'll tell you she is completely normal and totally 'high strung'. She always has been and most likley always will be.

My children aren't like that but my mother is. All I can say is I understand a bit what it's like to say something completely innocently and have it turned into some manifesto of hatred. I will say that between her extremely sensitive spells, she is sensitive in some of the most wonderful ways and maybe between working on your daughter's negative channeling of it, she can also learn the positive side of being so in tune to her feelings?

My grandson is 8 and has Aspergers, a form of autism.  He can be fine one moment and come completely unglued at the drop of a pin.  It can be something so simple.  We're trying to teach him redirection.  It's finally starting to work but its a long drawn out process. 

He's also super sensitive and his feelings get hurt so easily.

I raised two daughters. They're now 27 and 29.  I also raised 4 sons. They're 30, 26, 25, & 21.  I would have rather have raised 20 sons.  LOL  Girls are hard!!!

Good luck!

Laurie

It's hard with no benefits but if you can find a way to see a counselor or Dr. find out if she has a stress or anxiety disorder. I had a student a couple of years ago who sounded like your daughter, she was a wonderful girl but would have her "melt-downs" and was finally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Yes she was put on medication but it was not a permanent solution, it was only to help her gain control of herself long enough to learn to control herself. As much as we don't like it sometimes we do need that support to help until we can get a situation diagnosed and the proper supports in place to help our children. I have an anxiety disorder, I have panic attacks, and I wish I had been diagnosed when I was in my teens rather than my late twenties. It took about 8 months of drug intervention and I learned my triggers and what to avoid and how to help pull myself out of it if I felt it coming on. She probably doesn't understand what is happening herself at that age and it's so frustrating for her and you. I hope you can figure it out and get you all some help!
k

i have an almost 14 year old son who cries over EVERYTHING...if he gets mad, or he has to do something he doesnt like, he wells up and gets this beaten dog look on his face..it was pitiful when he was little and i felt sorry for him, but now its infuriating because everything has to be a huge ordeal with him.  maybe they grow out of it eventually??