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How soon is too soon to date?

post #1 of 53
12/27/09 at 1:13am
Thread Starter 

My divorce situation is fairly unique since I have not actually lived in the same house as my husband for nearly 5 years thanks to the military. However, we ARE still married and will be, probably at least until he returns to the States in May. I am wondering when other people think it would be appropriate to openly date? I just want to be able to have dinner or a movie without thinking I should drive 3 or 4 hours hoping not to be spotted by anyone who knows me. Any ideas what is considered acceptable these days? I'm too old to be sneaking around. smile

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post #2 of 53
12/27/09 at 1:15am

As long as you KNOW it is over, nevermind everyone else. You only get this one life to live. If people talk, let 'em. They are gonna anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be nice. The world seriously needs more nice.
Proud wife and also critter mama to:a Golden, a chihuahua, two cats, some fish, some worms, a RIR, an EE, a Silver Laced Wyandotte, and two splash and one blue silky!!!!I love my Tiny Urban Farm!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be nice. The world seriously needs more nice.
Proud wife and also critter mama to:a Golden, a chihuahua, two cats, some fish, some worms, a RIR, an EE, a Silver Laced Wyandotte, and two splash and one blue silky!!!!I love my Tiny Urban Farm!
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post #3 of 53
12/27/09 at 1:25am
Thread Starter 

Oh yeah, it is definitely over. I really NEED to adopt am attitude like that more. I have the unfortunate habit of trying to look proper, but like you said, people will find something to say if they want to. One thing that will probably work to my advantage as well, and this is kinda funny, there are some people who seem to think I have been lying about being married anyway. smile

*DISCLAIMER*
No squirrels were harmed in the making of my custom title!!!
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*DISCLAIMER*
No squirrels were harmed in the making of my custom title!!!
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post #4 of 53
12/27/09 at 1:28am

I think as long as those people who SHOULD know do know, then who cares about the rest.  If your immediate family knows, and his immediate family knows...and He knows....then everyone who needs to know before you are spotted out and about is informed and to heck with everyone else.

If any of the above parties doesn't know then they probably should before you openly date.

That is just my opinion.

Laney

Wife to an amazing husband, mother of an incredible daughter,  Silver Phoenix, Standard White Cochin,  Delaware, Java, Barred Rock, Splash Orp, Ducks, Geese, Pygmy Goats. Proud Member of SDWD  "Society for Delaware World Domination" www.mobilecad.smugmug.com
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Wife to an amazing husband, mother of an incredible daughter,  Silver Phoenix, Standard White Cochin,  Delaware, Java, Barred Rock, Splash Orp, Ducks, Geese, Pygmy Goats. Proud Member of SDWD  "Society for Delaware World Domination" www.mobilecad.smugmug.com
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post #5 of 53
12/27/09 at 1:35am
Thread Starter 

The only people who don't know are his family because he's dragging his heels on telling them. However, they live in South Dakota, me in Arkansas and don't even speak to me so I seriously doubt they would hear rumors.

*DISCLAIMER*
No squirrels were harmed in the making of my custom title!!!
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*DISCLAIMER*
No squirrels were harmed in the making of my custom title!!!
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post #6 of 53
12/27/09 at 1:35am

If a date asks the answer is "we're seperated, and once he lands stateside we'll proceed with the divorce, we've lived apart for several years now".  If anyone else asks, decide if they have any right to ask in the first place and decide from there.

Add: I didn't give a time frame because you've been living apart, and really when your heart says it's time, it's time.

Saddi, who's on her 3rd Mr. Saddi.


Edited by saddina - 12/27/09 at 1:38am
Should not be taken seriously in large doses, use as directed.
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Should not be taken seriously in large doses, use as directed.
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post #7 of 53
12/27/09 at 1:38am

I wouldn't open another can of worms until I had finished the first one. Legally you are married. Even if it is over by both of your standards anything you do now until the judge signs the order can be used against you. If you are openly dating and he is over seas on military duty the heavy is on your shoulders. This is reason enough for a judge to with hold any alimony or certain support in his favor because technically you ARE married. Even though they are supposed to be impartial I know of several divorces where the judge ruled in favor of the man in the military and gave custody of the children to him due to the woman having dated other men before the divorce was final. Tred lightly.

LF Blue/Black/Splash Orpingtons - Appleyard Ducks - Geese - Bronze Turkeys - Dairy Goats - Fiber Sheep + eleventy hundred more animals
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LF Blue/Black/Splash Orpingtons - Appleyard Ducks - Geese - Bronze Turkeys - Dairy Goats - Fiber Sheep + eleventy hundred more animals
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post #8 of 53
12/27/09 at 1:44am
Thread Starter 

Yes, Saddina, I need to remember that just because people WANT to know something doesn't mean they have a reason to. smile

Thankfully, one thing I alreay know is, he would NEVER fight for custody of the kids. He knows they need to be with me and no matter what has happened between us, he loves them enough to do what is best  for them. The other could be an issue, however.

*DISCLAIMER*
No squirrels were harmed in the making of my custom title!!!
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*DISCLAIMER*
No squirrels were harmed in the making of my custom title!!!
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post #9 of 53
12/27/09 at 3:19am
  • Opa
  • Opa-wan Chickenobi

Dating while still legally married can create all sorts of problems.  First it could create legal problems, and second until the divorce is final the ex could create problems between you and who ever you're dating.  I know since I've been there.  Some men, while wanting a divorce, get rather upset when discovering their wife with another man.  It makes for a rather bad scene.  Just wait till it final.

When having problems with chickens stop and think, what would Harlan do?
I've dealt with many thorns in my life and the flower is always worth the effort.

6 Nest rollout nest box plans  http://www.backyardchickens.com/t/287684/new-rollout-nest-design-picture-heavy-edited-1-21

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When having problems with chickens stop and think, what would Harlan do?
I've dealt with many thorns in my life and the flower is always worth the effort.

6 Nest rollout nest box plans  http://www.backyardchickens.com/t/287684/new-rollout-nest-design-picture-heavy-edited-1-21

Smoker plans http://www.backyardchickens.com/t/721017/opas-recirculating-smoker

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post #10 of 53
12/27/09 at 5:54am

I agree with Opa and MissPrissy 100%.

 

~A dog on its owner's property is a pet; A dog on someone else's property is a predator~

 

 

Living the Good Life in the North Georgia Mountains~ Cynthia

 

 

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~A dog on its owner's property is a pet; A dog on someone else's property is a predator~

 

 

Living the Good Life in the North Georgia Mountains~ Cynthia

 

 

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