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Is this cheating? Need to vent  

post #1 of 60
Thread Starter 

I recently discovered that my husband of 12 years has been responding to "sensual massage" ads ($100 for 30 minutes) on backpage.com  I wasn't even familiar with this site but it looks like its similar to craigslist.

 

I kind of hacked into his email, not really hacked but knew the user name and guessed the password.  This was while he was in the hospital recovering from a minor heart surgery, (he is fine).

 

So, I checked his sent mail and there are several responces to ads on backpage and craigslist all since Feb.  Two ads had phone numbers and I checked our cell account and there were no calls but don't know about texts.  Then last night he apparently signed up for an interracial dating website.  I found his account and he said he was divorced has a college degree and is 8 years younger than he is.

 

I have not confronted him about this yet.  Is this cheating?

 

 I have no family remotely close to me and we live in my mother's house (she moved across country 10 years ago) but we never put the house in our name.  I cannot afford to live here alone.

 

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

 


Edited by jdywntr - 4/1/12 at 7:26am

DOGS: 4 Shih Tzu, 1 Papillon, 1 Great Pyrenees

CHICKENS: 1 BO, 2 EE, 2 WLH, blue and splash JG, plus various aged JG, BO, JG/BO and JG/EE chicks.   

DUCKS: Muscovy ducks: Adults, juveniles and ducklings.  Pekin ducks

 

Some threads started with basic info.

Picking a duck breed, where to buy, what genders to get

Raising and caring for ducklings

 

DOGS: 4 Shih Tzu, 1 Papillon, 1 Great Pyrenees

CHICKENS: 1 BO, 2 EE, 2 WLH, blue and splash JG, plus various aged JG, BO, JG/BO and JG/EE chicks.   

DUCKS: Muscovy ducks: Adults, juveniles and ducklings.  Pekin ducks

 

Some threads started with basic info.

Picking a duck breed, where to buy, what genders to get

Raising and caring for ducklings

 

post #2 of 60

The mere fact that you had to "hack" into his email says there were "issues" that needed to be dealt with long before the alledged backpage.com stuff started. There is no trust here.

Chickens, Bees, Horses, German Shepherds,
Chickens, Bees, Horses, German Shepherds,
post #3 of 60

No, not cheating, but clearly a sign that there are things that need to be worked on.

post #4 of 60
Thread Starter 

There are trust issues.  Similar things, not ads but texts, have happened in the past.  I think I got a feeling recently that something was wrong and I checked his email.  I am unsure as to where to go from here.

DOGS: 4 Shih Tzu, 1 Papillon, 1 Great Pyrenees

CHICKENS: 1 BO, 2 EE, 2 WLH, blue and splash JG, plus various aged JG, BO, JG/BO and JG/EE chicks.   

DUCKS: Muscovy ducks: Adults, juveniles and ducklings.  Pekin ducks

 

Some threads started with basic info.

Picking a duck breed, where to buy, what genders to get

Raising and caring for ducklings

 

DOGS: 4 Shih Tzu, 1 Papillon, 1 Great Pyrenees

CHICKENS: 1 BO, 2 EE, 2 WLH, blue and splash JG, plus various aged JG, BO, JG/BO and JG/EE chicks.   

DUCKS: Muscovy ducks: Adults, juveniles and ducklings.  Pekin ducks

 

Some threads started with basic info.

Picking a duck breed, where to buy, what genders to get

Raising and caring for ducklings

 

post #5 of 60

 No, but it's pretty dang close. He'll obviously be cheating if the oppertunity arises.

"This coffee is sacred. "

"This coffee is sacred. "

post #6 of 60
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eenie114 View Post

 No, but it's pretty dang close. He'll obviously be cheating if the oppertunity arises.


This is what I worry about.  His job requires long and somewhat unusual hours but he always has a reason for being late (if I actually ask). 
 

 

DOGS: 4 Shih Tzu, 1 Papillon, 1 Great Pyrenees

CHICKENS: 1 BO, 2 EE, 2 WLH, blue and splash JG, plus various aged JG, BO, JG/BO and JG/EE chicks.   

DUCKS: Muscovy ducks: Adults, juveniles and ducklings.  Pekin ducks

 

Some threads started with basic info.

Picking a duck breed, where to buy, what genders to get

Raising and caring for ducklings

 

DOGS: 4 Shih Tzu, 1 Papillon, 1 Great Pyrenees

CHICKENS: 1 BO, 2 EE, 2 WLH, blue and splash JG, plus various aged JG, BO, JG/BO and JG/EE chicks.   

DUCKS: Muscovy ducks: Adults, juveniles and ducklings.  Pekin ducks

 

Some threads started with basic info.

Picking a duck breed, where to buy, what genders to get

Raising and caring for ducklings

 

post #7 of 60

I think that while he may not have cheated yet, he is certainly considering it - strongly.  

 

You shouldn't sit on this information - expect him to be angry that you invaded his privacy (because you did).  But if you want to save your marriage, you both need to be honest with one another and try and get to the bottom of the trust issue.

 

   My relationship survived a cheating incident.  It was nearly ten years ago and we were able to come out stronger than before, and are now married very happily.  So it can be done!!  Good luck!

We have a dozen different breeds of chickens and we love them all!

We have a dozen different breeds of chickens and we love them all!

post #8 of 60
Thread Starter 

Thanks Aeropennchick.  I will be talking to him about it and I will see how it goes.

DOGS: 4 Shih Tzu, 1 Papillon, 1 Great Pyrenees

CHICKENS: 1 BO, 2 EE, 2 WLH, blue and splash JG, plus various aged JG, BO, JG/BO and JG/EE chicks.   

DUCKS: Muscovy ducks: Adults, juveniles and ducklings.  Pekin ducks

 

Some threads started with basic info.

Picking a duck breed, where to buy, what genders to get

Raising and caring for ducklings

 

DOGS: 4 Shih Tzu, 1 Papillon, 1 Great Pyrenees

CHICKENS: 1 BO, 2 EE, 2 WLH, blue and splash JG, plus various aged JG, BO, JG/BO and JG/EE chicks.   

DUCKS: Muscovy ducks: Adults, juveniles and ducklings.  Pekin ducks

 

Some threads started with basic info.

Picking a duck breed, where to buy, what genders to get

Raising and caring for ducklings

 

post #9 of 60
x2

"Ignorance, the root and stem of every argument." - Plato

"Ignorance, the root and stem of every argument." - Plato

post #10 of 60
Could be cheating. Maybe cheating or shopping for someone to cheat with caused the heart attack. Good luck to you

1 hubby(went to be with Jesus 05-12-12), three kids, 1 grand daughter

 

2 boxers, 2 cats, and bunches of chickens

1 hubby(went to be with Jesus 05-12-12), three kids, 1 grand daughter

 

2 boxers, 2 cats, and bunches of chickens

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