I don't recall what it is like to be pain free. It's been so many years of pain, that I am not even sure I would even know what it would feel like to be pain free. I mostly ignore the pain. I know that it is meaningless. I am in no danger, and I will not die of this. But the quality of my life is so poor, that if I did get something like cancer, I would not accept treatment.
I do have a good doctor. I do have access to some vicodin. It's only enough that I can be slightly comfortable for about 4 hours in any given day. I am also taking a large dose of Lyrica, It only helps with the nerve damage in my feet. Without the Lyrica, I am not able to stand on my feet for any length of time without extreme pain. I have found that the synthetic narcotics are completely ineffective and essentially useless.
Just to add to the fun, I have had bursitis in both hip joints for the last 2 or 3 years. I have recently been diagnosed with arthritis in the sacroiliac joint. All of this makes sleeping difficult. I can't seem to find any comfortable position to sleep in. The pain will often wake me up in the night.
Then there is the mind fogs, and complete lack of energy. I have so many things I would love to do. I keep my animals simply in order to make sure that I have to get up and get something done everyday. There are plenty of days when the only thing that gets done is feeding the pets.
I still am looking for a solution to all of this. I am willing to try just about anything. I tried a vegan diet, and a number of alternative treatments. I just can't afford most of them any more.
i haven't worked since 2004. I do have the support of a loving husband, and he does earn a very good living. But I would still rather work to support all my interesting ideas. I have never worked more than 25 hours a week. Any more and I am not effective, and I am simply to maxed out to think very well.
I applied for disability back in 2006 or 2007. I have been denied repeatedly, because I used to treat the Fibro with alcohol in the evenings. I have always been way to honest about what I am doing or trying. I think the case for disability is still on going, but I am not holding my breath. I don't know how anyone get disability for Fibro.
I wish there was a magic solution to this life. As far as I know it's better to resign your self to the fact that you are going to hurt for the rest of your life, and there isn't much you can do to make it any better. This is my life, and I have to remember that there are many other things to think about and play with. I do take time to be happy. There are times when it can be very hard to say that I am happy, but I choose to be happy in spite of all the pain that I live with.