It is very interesting/ sad how many of us moms are affected by this situation. At least we've found this site to vent on.
My daughter also once accused me of acting like it was my breakup. I knew people would think that, which is why I kept my feelings to myself for so long. I believe that she now knows that it's more the loss of a person who was (will always be) a member of our family.
Plus, they were so relaxed, honest and could be themselves 100% when they were together. He knew that was rare. She is now realizing it, I think.
She survived spring break in Mexico (one guy did overdose and die) and she's gradually learning more about who she wants to be.
My other daughter went to visit her this weekend and got introduced to the college party life. Fuuny thing is- what I hoped most is that it provided a great snapchat story for my daughter's ex to watch. And she did make her story about it. I just really hope her ex has seen it, and that seeing my kids together (doing stuff we had talked about) made him miss her and our family.
But then I feel a little guilty and selfish.
The last few weeks I've also found comfort in a weird outlet - Google images search.
I typed in my daughter's name purely to see if any inappropriate pictures appeared. There weren't any. However, her ex boyfriend's Twitter picture popped up about 5 pictures below hers.
The only social media links between them (besides mutual friends) would be old Facebook relationship status (she closed that account at least 2 years ago), his name on her instagram profile (also deleted a year ago) and that she follows him on her new Facebook account.
Their mutual friends' images are much lower down on the images ranking.
I played around with tons of different connections- and their Twitter images are always closely linked. His name is really, really common. And hers is the same as a very famous celebrity. Yet if I search for his first name and our last name- his image pops up first.
I can also type in a name of one of his new friends from college plus my daughter's name, and her ex's image appears.
If I type in the name of his current girlfriend, my daughter's twitpic appears (about 20 pics down)
I asked a friend who is an IT specialist and he agreed with my perception. It would appear that my daughter and her ex are both keeping very close watch on each other (both of them).
My friend doesn't think snapchat alone would do it, because of where Google pulls their data from. Plus, I am 100% sure of at least two mutual friends that they each snapchat, and their stuff isn't appearing on my images search. My friend checked it on his computer too, so I'm not the common denominator.
Do I now win the "crazy" award of us all?
Healthy or not, this is what I do to keep myself from falling into that awful, awful rabbit hole of despair and depression. I'm still sad and near tears a lot. I wish I could say that has gone away. A year ago I wasn't eating or sleeping, so this is better.
All my instincts just keep telling me to have faith. I try to maintain logical, long term perspective. But it's just so hard most of the time.
It is just still so wrong to me that they aren't talking. So, I'll take whatever comfort I can in the social media link. As long as it lasts.
I haven't checked his facebook in a month, so I'm proud of that. He is still "friends" with my niece on facebook, though. I'll wait until summer break to check on that.
My guess is that he will only be home briefly this summer. Last summer (many months post breakup) he told my daughter that she was the only reason he would hang around home. Otherwise, he was done here. Overly dramatic, but probably some truth to it.
Sigh, I do wonder how this story will end........
Thanks for reading and I wish all of you happier days.