Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

Oh my, what a thread! I think it's totally OK to be sad about these things, but you can't say it to your children, or let it influence your future behavior if at all possible.

My late mother caused a very large rift between us for similar reasons. I was with a guy for several years, who ended up being what I shall call the sperm donor for my daughter. He was not a good guy, and my mother's didn't like him.

I met my husband a couple of years later, and he is just the most perfect fit for me and our daughter, whom he has raised and is for all purposes that matter, her father.

In the intervening years however my ex partner had another child with a family friend, and my mother became very involved in that situation. It was incredibly inappropriate as my daughter and I had no contact with this person (I did not withhold her from him but he was not interested), and there were safety concerns. I was unable to trust my own mother with my daughter due to this situation and her attempts to push us back into contact due to this new child.

My mother never liked my husband and was very critical and judgey of our parenting and our life choices. It drove a very large wedge between us that would not have been surmountable. We had reached a good place just before she died, and I'm grateful for that, but I had cut her out of my personal life and did not speak to her about much other than her own life and the weather.

Please be careful. As a mother myself I wouldn't want to be the cause of driving my daughter away.
 
I can’t believe I’m not alone! I thought I was losing my mind. I never expected to feel this way. My daughter recently took a break from her bff/bf the other day. He is so sweet, and a genuinely great guy. I have become very close to him the past year and a half. They are fairly young, but I guess he became like a son to me (I only have one child). For some reason I just cannot put myself back together. It’s like I am grieving a lost person. I see him at her school and he looks so miserable (on day 3 post breakup). I am a very empathetic person, and it’s as if I am feeling what he is going through. I know that sounds odd.

My hubby probably thinks I am crazy. I am very close to my daughter which meant I knew just about everything going on between them. I did express some frustration about the situation with her the day after she told him. I later apologized and said my empathy got the best of me when I saw him broken for the first time.

I just can’t believe how easily she can let him go. They were the bestest of friends first and it developed into more after about 4 months. She has never had a true blue bestie like him ever. Why can’t I stop crying!?

@Coffeeluvr I know you haven’t been on here for a while. But your story actually gave me a sliver of hope even though he ended up engaged to someone else. Would love to know if he got married and is at least happy now. You’re the main reason I signed up on here. Never done a chat forum before. Spent half a day reading the last half of these posts just to find out what happened to the lost boyfriends and girlfriends. Looks like odds are slim to none for reconciliation. Makes me so sad!
 
Two week (post breakup) update for those who eventually read these posts. Hoping my experience will help someone in the future.

First week she kept distance, but they texted back and forth a fair amount. She was kinda hard on him during this time. He kept trying to win her back was being very sweet.

The second week he started ignoring her at school, and if she got in close proximity would snap at her asking “what do you want?” She caught him looking/staring at her many times. I figured he was hurting pretty bad and was just lashing out due to the pain.

After all the time I got to know him and spent time together as a family, I somehow misread his character. A few months ago, he started hanging out more with a group of guys my daughter was not fond of. It was one of her chief complaints for the breakup. Saying he had changed and she felt like a trophy girlfriend. Her other reason, the relationship was becoming much more physical and she was not ready. She wanted to go back to her old friendship with him.

Unfortunately, I encouraged her to try to remain friends with him which backfired horribly. He basically blew off her attempts to remain friends and has since started embarrassing her in public (with his friends involvement). The more she tried to be nice, the meaner he got. I know they are pretty young and still immature, but honestly I thought he was a genuinely good kid. I still think he is good, but just fell into the wrong crowd.

I should have trusted my daughter’s instincts. We are close and talk about almost everything, but there were things I didn’t know. I now see what she was trying to tell me. Moral of the story trust your kids when they break it off with someone. No matter how great you think they are, you can never know everything.

I still grieve the good ole days with him around, but I am so angry at how he is treating her. I now fully support her decision for the breakup, and will do my best in the future to trust I raised her well and I know she is a smart girl who won’t put up with someone’s garbage.
 

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