Why do kids think what they say is the law??

sourland said:

She's a kid being a kid. One of my rules as I age is to try to remember how I viewed things as a kid. It makes understanding them somewhat easier.

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and I do,sour.I am speaking of experience.My dad was sales manager for john deer and got salesman of the year 4 years in a row in his region.then sears in california offered him more money, so we moved.I was writing my friends letters and calling them every week.we moved again up to northern california a few years more, then back to arizona.but while in arizona, we were gypsies always moving because my dad started flopping on jobs everywhere and escaping the bill collectors was his priority I guess.

I never stayed in the same house for a year until I married in 93.

not sayin I want this gypsy life for her,but we moved for the betterment of family.

I do know her feelings but I never had bent for selfishness.I would be the first to say I will give the last dollar from my wallet ( actualy I gave 190.00 to a stranger once) and shirt off my back.

if she is learning selfishness from school, then due time to pull her out.

On the bright side, she is 14 which leaves her entire high school career at one school...with close ties to major universities in the area. it's not that you are moving her senior year. DD lived in Carrboro for some years. Lovely area and major opportunities yet not that far from rural America.
If she is thinking Veterinarian, it's definitely not too soon to be looking into prospective work experiences ( more population, more opportunity). She will be looking at college in 4 VERY short years. She needs to expand her horizons and it will happen a bit sooner for her than for her friends she leaves behind.
With the internet contact these days, kids stay in much closer contact long distance than they did 10 years ago. Does she really see her friends more than just in school? She will just be expanding her friend base.

9th grade is when many major changes occur in schools. It's scary for many kids. They survive. Be understanding of her fear but be positive about the advantages to the family and especially to her, too. Be positive in attitude and she will live up to your expectations. All kids at every age try to run the show. If this is something you have always wanted, go for it. She will only be with you 4 more years then she will have her own life and it won't be anything she ever expected at 14. She won't stay home just to make you happy , she will grow up. You need to make you happy if indeed this is a good career goal of yours.
What does the spouse say? If the two of you are on the same page, the kids will follow. After all, if the kids weren't causing chaos, they would not be doing their job!

It is possible that she is more scared and does not have the emotional maturity yet given her age to express her emotions, and less that she is truly selfish.

I don't know your family's background or history, but if she's never moved before (or since she's been of an age to care) it would be very scary. I grew up much like you, moving a lot. The only time I pitched a fit was when I had to move with only a month left of school when I was in sixth grade. I had the best friend I'd ever had (and her family), and I just didn't want to go. Of course, I had no choice but to go. My parents did take me back to see her, and she came to visit me. Our friendship has lasted over 30 years.

You have to take the job. She has to go. You can be supportive of her by - as others have said - giving her ways to keep up with her friends. Taking her back to Rock Hill to visit. Allowing her to stay with a friend for a long weekend or school break. I really like the suggestion of going up to Raleigh before she has to move, and letting her see some of the fun activities that are in the area and maybe meet kids her age. Let her see that it matters to you that you have to leave your friends, but that you also plan to keep in touch with them.

I know it's not an easy decision. Good jobs - in your field - are hard to come by, and it's great that you've found one when many have had to settle for a job that barely pays enough to meet the minimum needs. She'll appreciate your decision when she's older. Just love her, and try to understand that she is living in her present, her reality, and she'll be okay.

When my daughter had her 13th birthday, we rented what passes for a country club here and threw her the mother of all parties. I borrowed a van to go to her old school to meet parents and bring her old friends to the party. We had lived in a very small very, very rural area and most of those kids had never been in a swimming pool. They had hamburgers and a wait staff on duty. Her new friends got to meet her old friends. It was an unforgettable experience for them and her too.

I'm not saying to do that same thing, but perhaps you can plan something with your daughter to include some of her old friends to spend a weekend. At this point, you can reassure her that she can stay in touch and that you will go pick up her best friends to spend the weekend, with their parents permission of course, and that you will do activities with them. My DH would take our daughter and a few of her friends to the mall and hang out with them all day. For some of her friends this was the only father interaction they ever had and they loved him for it. Sometimes, just him and her would go shopping and have a blast. The biggest gift you can give your daughter is your time. Just pure time. She might snarl or be surly, but what she really craves is your attention and your approval. If she doesn't get this attention and approval from you, then she will find it elsewhere. I don't know what your work schedule is or what your time limits are, but you really need to find a way to spend one on one time with your daughters.

My son-in-law has "date night" with their daughter. She is only 5 years old, but they do this sometimes and it is a BIG DEAL. He goes to the store and comes back with a boquet of flowers, rings the doorbell and asks my daughter if Cohen is ready to go on their date. They are both dressed up and he usually takes her to a movie. He opens her car door for her and treats her like a queen. It is their special time together and they both adore it. perhaps you could do something like this with your daughters, one at a time. Give each of them that special time with you that little girls, and big girls too, want so much from their daddy. When it is just the two of you, ya'll can chat or talk about things without the pressures that are sometimes at home. There is an ulterior motive for this............treat them so good that when they start dating, they won't tolerate anything less than stellar treatment from their date.

She's a teenager. No offense to any teens who are out there, but it's part of most teens' socio-emotional development to be a bit self-absorbed at this age. It's the age where they're figuring out who they are as people, so focusing on themselves is a part of that. Add in hormones, and raging emotional outbursts at the shock of hearing the news about a pretty big change isn't that surprising.

One thing that you can do is involve your teen in planning the move to the new town. Take her there when you're looking for places for the family to live, and ask for her input about potential homes or apartments. Show her the new school, visit the new malls and parks, etc. Visit the college campuses. Get her excited (or at least curious) about what the new town will be like before she moves permanently.

She's actually at a better age to move (better now than during her senior year of high school, when she's built a strong connection to one particular school).