Originally Posted by lindalouly
Red don't ever think you are blabbering. I am always listening. I don't have anyone that understands.... Just to be normal again. I am always here... I have learned coping techniques and have dealt with the sickness for eight years but quit working a year ago. Life has not been the same. To you I say brother... That's a huge deal and I hope you get it.
Sorry Linda. I didn't know you were still here. Thank you for understanding. I think that people try to understand but unless you've been there, you really can't. I know before I was put out I suffered for about ten years of the sixteen that I worked there and I use to think people were just saying how bad it was not to be able to work. Boy was I wrong. It's terrible on mentally and physically. It just got worse and worse on me on the job until I just could go anymore. The only reason they kept me was my knowledge on the cnc. They were sad that I had to go. My boss cried. But they also told me that I was doing them a favor because I couldn't perform my job anymore. That really hurts to hear that even though it was true. After I left about six months, the closed down. I hated to hear that because I went through surgery about a week before they closed and was really hoping that I had a miracle surgery and was able to go back to work. Well the surgery only made things worse. I seen cabinets today at my drs office that I built. Every time I go to the drs office I just think about how I built them and wonder how long they'll last. So far they've been there ten years and still look brand new. I see my work in hospitals and other places too. It always kinda bothers me to see it now knowing that that part of my life is over. All that helps me is finding projects to do like this chicken coop. Even though it takes me forever and causes a lot of pain, and I can't give it the quality that I once could, it makes me feel good just to know that I accomplished something. I'll pay for building this for the next several days until the next project. At one time I was making those paracord bracelets thinking I was going to sale them to make a little income. I made a lot for one of the schools done here. They were supposed to put them in the concession stand and sale them at the ball games. I had all the coaches buy one but they never put them in the concession stands. I don't know why. They were going to get half of the money and they looked just as good if not better then the ones online or in stores. So that kinda got me down and I quit making them. I guess it was a stupid idea any way. I wasn't going to make but a dollar on them and it took me twenty minutes to make one. I really wasn't doing it for the money as much as just having something to do and feel needed. I know they would've sold and I was hoping they'd call and say, hey we need a lot more of those bracelets. Never happened. Then I started making the birdhouses that pearl posted pics of and didn't have nowhere to sell them. So I gave them away as gifts. So much for feeling needed lol. I don't think I'll ever feel that way again. Now I know why when I was building something no matter what, my grand father would come over if he was up to it and sit and watch me. And once in awhile get up and try to help for a minute or two. I wish that I would've bragged about what he done a little more. Probably wouldn't have done much good though. He'd be thinking the same way I think now. That it wasn't his best work . Please don't think I'm looking for sympathy or feeling sorry for myself because I'm really not. Just venting about my feelings. From what you said,you know exactly how I feel. Guess we all have to lean on each other.