Originally Posted by ChickenLady2014
In no way does that make you a bad person granny. You both got what you needed out of the marriage. You've grown to love Tom as he you. You don't have to be IN love to have a good marriage. I think that's why so many marriages fail with the younger generations. Everybody thinks that their marriage should always be in the honeymoon phase & when its not they want to move on. Now there are some people that do have that kind of marriage, but more often we love our partners because there is a whole lot more to them then what is between the sheets. At the end of the day you know your partner is going to be there for you thru thick & thin.
Exactly. I'll take a steady ember over a raging fire any day. They can burn out quickly.
Originally Posted by granny hatchet
when you are young it is a very big difference but the older you get the less it matters. i was 31 Tom was 56. I feel like I must confess, I didnt love him. I was afraid. I had just finished raising a daughter by myself and it was so very hard. I just couldnt do it again. He had good morals and a kind heart and I am sure he didnt love me either. he had just lost his wife of 30 some odd years. He didnt want to be alone any more then I did. Remember , I lived in detroit. not the best place in the world to raise a son alone. The lack of love meant nothing . I always cared for him, never strayed . You cant live with someone for 21 yrs. and not care very deeply for them. I love him now. but I was never IN love with him. Does that make me a bad person ? If it does I cant help it. I did all I knew to do. But, On that note, I would never advise someone else to do as I have done.
It makes you a good person, a good mother a good partner a good friend and a good wife.
Originally Posted by Wishing4Wings
I think the marriage was calculated for my sis in law as well. They loved each other a great deal, but I think companionship and commitment was/is more important. Being "in love" can fade, and if there is nothing else to hold people together, it's hard to keep a happy marriage going. Marrying for love alone is a relatively modern concept. Arranged marriages, marriage contracts and dowries are still very common in many parts of the world, across all cultures. So no, you are not bad at all. Just think of yourself as traditional or old fashioned. You have an arranged marriage, you just arranged it yourself!
(I sure am glad my dad didn't get to choose my spouse! )
I married so DH and I didn't have to each pay a membership to our horse club! We'd been together 7 years. Never a burning love. We enjoyed each other, had similar values, similar hobbies. I'm not sure we ever "fell in love", just realized we loved each other after a few years. It's such a nice feeling, like my favorite jeans.