Kids that don't grow up

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A good friend let her boyfriend's son, on-and-off girlfriend and their almost 2 toddler move in last fall to try to learn how to be a family. He got a job working 16 hours a week at a fast food restaurant and she took a job training course - neither working more than a few hours a day. Both my friends work, and when they would come home the first thing asked was "Can you watch the baby for a while, I (we) need a break!". His son spent most of his paycheck on illicit mood-altering substances, and the girlfriend most of her time on the couch sleeping. The would have big fights in the middle of the night, including him pushing her around and breaking things in the house.The baby momma finally moved back downstate (She hooked up with a new guy within days). My friend wanted the son out too, but her BF said he felt sorry for him and that he felt responsible for his problems (why he could not say). She finally told him that either the son left or both BF and son left, she did not care which, but by the end of the week the son was out regardless. Their relationship has still not recovered, but she is adamant that the son is never coming back into her house again.
 
My daughter pulled one before she was 16. She told me she was dropping out when she turned 16. I said if you do, you won't live here. She did and I had her on a one way flight to her dad in Germany. For 9 months she lived in an unheated basement, had to work (making wooden pallets!!!). Her father could not support her. He was an alchoholic . His gf didn't like her. She called at 9 months and begged to come home. She said she would get back in school and be on the honor roll, and enlist to the USAF. She did. She went into the service , got her GI bill, put herself thru college and got a BS in Nursing. She was picked to go to the transplant unit.

It's a success story. I'm blessed. But imagine how bad this situation this could have turned out had I not stick to my word. Snot kid caused me many tears. It was worth it in the end. Parents do need to make ultimatums that they stick to. So I am really sensitive to adult kids taking advantage. I think it's much harder to stick to your guns. It's got to be done.
 
1muttsfan said:
A good friend let her boyfriend's son, on-and-off girlfriend and their almost 2 toddler move in last fall to try to learn how to be a family. He got a job working 16 hours a week at a fast food restaurant and she took a job training course - neither working more than a few hours a day. Both my friends work, and when they would come home the first thing asked was "Can you watch the baby for a while, I (we) need a break!". His son spent most of his paycheck on illicit mood-altering substances, and the girlfriend most of her time on the couch sleeping. The would have big fights in the middle of the night, including him pushing her around and breaking things in the house.The baby momma finally moved back downstate (She hooked up with a new guy within days). My friend wanted the son out too, but her BF said he felt sorry for him and that he felt responsible for his problems (why he could not say). She finally told him that either the son left or both BF and son left, she did not care which, but by the end of the week the son was out regardless. Their relationship has still not recovered, but she is adamant that the son is never coming back into her house again.
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Another friend of mine had that problem with a husband and his son by another marriage. This son had a drug problem and his father kept taking him in, where he would steal everything in sight and threaten a younger son in the house. After a violent incident where she caught young thug stealing, she wound up obtaining a divorce. By then the younger son was an adult who no longer lived at home, was married, had a wife and a job. Thug boy, last heard from several years ago, was still on drugs and parasitizing his father.
 
The Yakima Kid said:
Quote:
I feel sorry for the father and son, the dad wants to help but he isn't really helping the son, I've seen that way too often, each case is a little different but the son in this instance needs to want true help in the form of getting off drugs for good then finding a way to live clean and independent, and dad needs help to know how and what kind of help to give to get the son to that point.
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oldrooster said:
Quote:

I feel sorry for the father and son, the dad wants to help but he isn't really helping the son, I've seen that way too often, each case is a little different but the son in this instance needs to want true help in the form of getting off drugs for good then finding a way to live clean and independent, and dad needs help to know how and what kind of help to give to get the son to that point.

The problem is that professionals can tell a parent that, and they can't hear it. They look into their kid's eyes, see the kid as a cute little toddler, and ignore the fact that he's been in and out of trouble for years.
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seminolewind said:
The traits of an enabler.
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Uhyup.

I think the ultimate idiot was a woman I worked with who wanted an absolute ban on firearms because her junkie brother had been shot to death - by the POLICE. It seems his grandmother had called the police because he had called asking for money, she had refused, and he had come over and was trying to force his way into the house.

The police repeatedly asked him to stop and he ignored them; when they came closer to try and physically stop him from kicking in the door he charged them, screaming and yelling. Mistake.

She insisted he would never have hurt their grandmother.

I had a less sanguine view.

Talk about denial.

Nice, white, from a "good" family, and a complete and total junkie who had repeatedly stolen from relatives and made threats. Obviously a boy from such a good background wouldn't really hurt anyone, well, not fatally anyway.
 
seminolewind said:
Makes me feel better living in Florida-a concealed carry state.  Shoot first, then call 911.
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That made me giggle....

My sister has a few kids that fit this thread, but really it her who has shaped them. No one can be given everything all their life and then just be expected to know how to live...
That's the point ( I think ) of parenthood, to raise an adult who can take responsibility for their life.... There are going to be times when help is needed, we all need help from time to time. But as parents of children or adults we need to know when to say " figure it out your self. " followed by " ...you can do it "
 
Yea, this one as a small boy got everything he asked for. He learned manipulation as well.

He calls a few days ago, he graduated for his career and took the registry test , and told DH he was afraid he might not pass. I personally think he's afraid to pass because he will have to be a grown up and have a real job and have himself to depend on. I guess he had to think hard about that one. But he did pass and is currently looking for a job. (Yeah!)
 

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