Pinky, welcome to our little world .
Thank you for being a donor. Sorry your brother is being such a butthead.
My doctors told me some graft vs host is desirable. The new immune system, while it sucks that it's fighting the old body, is also fighting the old cancer. If you have NO graft vs host, you're much more likely to relapse with the disease that caused you to get the transplant in the first place. Now, I know I whine and moan and carry on here sometimes about my after-transplant effects, but the plain fact is, without the transplant I'd be dead. Dead. Gone. My kiddos would have no momma and my Honey would be alone. Gee, now a sore mouth and some shortness of breath doesn't sound quite so horrible, does it? Yeah, I'm having issues that have to be dealt with but by golly I'm here to deal with them. And that's only thanks to my donor.
It's too bad your brother's doctor didn't phrase things differently for him to understand better. sounds like he didn't get very good education.
I was told overall women do better with transplants cause our immune systems are designed to accept foreign substances in our bodies (semen and babies). Men's immune systems aren't designed for that, so they have a harder time with transplants.
I know transplants are fraught with issues like this. So sorry your relationship is on the outs, but look at it this way, at least he'll live long enough to come to his senses. Or we can just go smack him around for you