Counteracting the effects of too much "Chicken TV"
In recent years, poultry owners have become increasingly aware of a new form of diversion otherwise known as “chicken tv.” Attracted by the seemingly innocent antics of their feathered friends, an avid viewer can unwittingly find themselves a member of a couch culture as engrossing as it is relaxing.
For those who would like to lead more productive lives and watch less tv, not excluding chicken tv, adherence to the following guidelines are recommended:
In recent years, poultry owners have become increasingly aware of a new form of diversion otherwise known as “chicken tv.” Attracted by the seemingly innocent antics of their feathered friends, an avid viewer can unwittingly find themselves a member of a couch culture as engrossing as it is relaxing.
For those who would like to lead more productive lives and watch less tv, not excluding chicken tv, adherence to the following guidelines are recommended:
- Do not, under any circumstances, feed treats to your chickens. This is simply a ploy to get you to fetch more treats.
- Try not to watch your chickens too closely. If you do, you may suddenly find that an hour and a half has elapsed and you have a minor sunburn and nothing noteworthy done.
- Avoid talking to your chickens. You do not want to encourage them to talk back, which will engage you in various subjects of small talk that can only conclude with your obligation to bring more treats.
- Go barefoot around your chickens. Operating with a false sense of confidence is one of the best ways to guarantee an undesirable result.
- Eat a bag of potato chips in front of your rooster. In the event he perceives the subsequent crunching and rustling to be a threat, he will do his best to encourage both you and your chip bag to exit the chicken viewing area.
- Allow for occasional relapses. These may occur more and more frequently as you attempt to watch less chicken tv.
- Substitute productive tasks for unproductive ones. Chores such as coop cleaning and/or poop scraping will keep you grounded in the firm belief that your chickens are a source of responsibility, not entertainment.
- Attempt to herd your chickens. Exercises in futility are a great way to stay off the couch.
- Avoid educating yourself about your chickens. The more you learn about your chickens, the more you will understand them and want to spend time with them. This will only sabotage your decision to watch less chicken tv.
- Close your bank account. If you do this, you will be unable to spend more money on your chickens, which was only enabling you, anyway.
- Maintain a safe distance from your chickens. The further away you are from your chickens, the harder it will be to watch them.
- As a compromise, only allow yourself to watch eggs. Sometimes, tedium can outmaneuver temptation.
- Avoid taking photographs of your chickens. Regardless of intent, viewing chickens from behind a lens still counts as watching chickens and is not conducive to your ultimate goal of watching less chicken tv.
- Protect your chickens from predators. If you are busy watching for predators, you will not be watching your chickens.
- Don’t be afraid to ask others for help. Just warn them that if they are not careful, they might end up watching chicken tv with you.
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