Ok, I am not a high strung person. I am fun and easy going, and I love my kids. BUT....right now I am just so sick of them! I am here all day with my own kids, and other peoples kids running around trashing my house and screaming, crying, yelling, wiping boogers on my walls (yea, try washing that off FLAT paint! WHO the He** paints a main room in a house with FLAT NON WASHABLE paint? OMG! Grrrrrrr!), running into things, bashing my dog in the eye, pulling my cats tails, eating up all my food, and DRIVING ME INSANE! I am SO close to freaking out here! I am stuck here 24 hours a day most days, and with kids out of school there are ALWAYS at least 2 kids here (ours) and I feel about this close to just screaming and bashing my head into the wall until I pass out for a few days, just to get some relief! I love my children and would die to defend them. I cherish them both. I really do. But right now I need to get away from them! I feel bad because I can't give each of them some one-on-one time. Sometimes, I am able to take just one with me to run errands if DH is home to watch the other, but that often leads to a fight over who gets to come with me, or who gets to sit where in the car (if they both come), or who gets something at the store, and someone always ends up crying. Lately, thats what I want to do. It wouldn't be so bad if they could just take it easy on Ol' Mom here. You know, if they could just NOT fight with each other for one day, and get along like they sort of like (or at least tolerate) each other, and not push each other, or pinch, or hit, or kick, or scream at each other, or break each others things that were worked on so hard bringing that one to tears, who then retaliates by smacking the other as soon as Mom leaves the room and then they BOTH have to run in and tell me (no, tell is the wrong word. SCREAM at me is more like it) their side of the story, which ends up getting louder and louder and louder, until my head is near exploding and I just cant take it anymore and then I hollar back at them, causing (of course) MORE tears, running up to the rooms, and slammin of the doors. And then none of us are happy. I try to do something each day thats fun. Like playing a game with them, or letting them do something they rarely get to do like taking out our PlayDoh tub which is a HUGE collection of PlayDoh and PlayDoh things that overflows a 50 gallon Rubbermaid container. I try to make the day start good, because a good start to a day has a better chance at keeping the day better, right? But, more often than not, by 10 or 11am I have had it up to here (motions well over a foot past her head) with both of them, and then there is little chance of salvaging the day. Tonight was my breaking point, and now I feel awful. I am (and have always been) a firm believer in the whole "dont go to bed angry" idea, and tonight I broke my own rule. Shame on me. I thought pizza and movie night would be a good end to a pretty crappy week, so I ordered pizza when Dad got home early, and we went out to rent a new movie (got Bridge to Terabithia by the way). It started OK. We dined on pizza on my newly washed carpet and I even overlooked the sauce dribbles as they "magically" appeared (they were made by our invisible third child named "Not Me" who seems to do all of these naughty things around our house. We really must find a new home for "Not Me"...) and we began enjoying the movie. I had to pause halfway through it for a "potty break" and to lock up the animals outside. DH had to head to bed (he gets up at 4am everyday and can't seem to stay up much past 9pm even on weeknights, poor dear...) and then everything got bad. They started by fighting over who could help me (even though I'd told them they both could), then over who got to open and then had to close the gate, then they were pushing each other around so I sent them in the house. From my yard I hear screaming and yelling, so I quite hastily finish my chores (my gals- the hens -were mad I didn't spend more snuggle time with them and baulked at me as I left in a hurry...). I get in the house to find them wrestling and crying and pushing and pulling each other and I tried nicely to seperate them and remind them about finishing the movie. Then one swung at the other one (as I am holding them apart) causing the other to swing back, and miss (keep in mind I am directly in the middle), and back and forth a few times until finally one of them slugs ME smack in the jaw. Everything stopped and they froze and I lost it. (Number 1 it freakin hurt! Little fist or not, it still hurt! Dang it!) I hollared and said things I now regret and they both ended up with quivering chins and heads hung low. I DID appologize for loosing my temper with them, and I tried to explain why I'd gotten so angry, but they just cried and did not ask me for a hug later before bed. So, now I feel crappy. I snuck in their room and kissed them both on the forehead and tucked them in, but they were sleeping already so I feel like it doesn't count. I'm disappointed in myself for loosing my cool like I did, but I just can't take much more. I know why I'm in such a 'poopy mood' and there's nothing I can do about it. I always get this way this time of year and its really not my fault, and this year is a big one and its just a little harder on me. My birthday is in a few weeks. I hate my birthday. No, actually I like birthdays. I like presents and fond wishes from friends and such. But, to give you some personal background so you understand, I always get upset around my birthday because I haven't spoken to my mother in several years and I always wonder if she even knows how freakin old I am, thus the whole birthday event brings me down. I know alot of you would say, "well she's your mother of course she knows" but you have to also then take in to account that I am adopted (when I was 5) and I found out when I was 10 that they had really wanted to adopt a baby, and sort of got 'stuck' with me because we were 'family' and they HAD to take me in. I felt like a huge disappointing burden to them after that and my mother and I never got along again after I called them on it. I tried reconciling when we had the kids, but my mother doesn't like little boys and wanted nothing to do with our son, so I told her to just shove off, and that was oh, about 5 years ago now. So, back to the present, my birthday always seems to drudge up old memories (and never fond ones of course) and thus I seem to get quite short-tempered, hot headed, and even hostile until the 'event' passes. This year I am turning 30, which is an even bigger deal to me, as its a 'bigger' birthday, and its making everything worse. Oh, and to make things worse, I'M GOING GRAY! Augh! How do I just get over this all already and get on with it without emotionally scarring my children? How can I get them to just get along? If they could just get along, it would be better. Maybe I would be a little less tense. Any help? Or am I just nuts and should I commit myself now for the next oh, 2 weeks and 4 days?