86 year old lady's letter to bank.

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by birdnutz, Nov 6, 2008.

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  1. birdnutz

    birdnutz Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 6, 2007
    Subject: 86-year old lady's letter to bank

    Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent
    to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing
    enough to have it published in the New York Times.

    Dear Sir:

    I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check
    with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

    By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
    elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account
    of the funds needed to honor it.

    I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
    deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in
    place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that
    brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way
    of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness
    springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink
    my errant financial ways.

    I noticed that whereas I personally answer your
    telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am
    confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless
    entity which your bank has become.

    From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal
    with a

    flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan
    repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but
    will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and
    confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

    Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal
    Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached
    an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to
    complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as
    much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no
    alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history
    must be

    countersigned by a Notary Public, and the
    mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets
    and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due
    course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
    which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

    I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28
    digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses
    required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
    As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

    Let me level the playing field even further.

    When you call me, press buttons as follows:


    #1. To make an appointment to see me

    #2. To query a missing payment.

    #3. To transfer the call to my living room in
    case I am there.

    #4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I
    am sleeping

    #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I
    am attending to nature

    #6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I
    am not at home

    #7. To leave a message on my computer, a
    password to access my computer is required. Password will be
    communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact
    mentioned earlier.

    #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to
    options 1 through 7.

    #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The
    contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated
    answering service.

    #10. This is a second reminder to press* for
    English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting
    music will play for the duration of the call.

    Regrettably, but again following your example, I
    must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new
    arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less
    prosperous New Year?

    Your Humble Client

    (Remember: This was written by an 86 year old
    woman) 'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE ' US SENIOR S' !!!!!

    And remember: Don't make old ladies mad. They
    don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set
    them off.
  2. peeboo

    peeboo Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 9, 2008
    fort bragg nc
    Thanks for posting, i really enjoyed lol!
  3. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    That is WONDERFUL!!!! [​IMG] [​IMG]
  4. Ol'FashionHen

    Ol'FashionHen Chillin' With My Peeps

    Oct 24, 2008
    The South
    [​IMG], Yes!!
  5. Featherland

    Featherland Chillin' With My Peeps

    Dec 28, 2007
    Good for her!
  6. sdshoars

    sdshoars Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 12, 2008
  7. Love this woman, she must have been a lawyer or worked for one
    [​IMG] marrie
  8. Missouri chick

    Missouri chick Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 15, 2008
    Homer, GA
    what an awsome lady
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