A case for marriage or My cousin died

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by rancher hicks, Mar 18, 2013.

  1. rancher hicks

    rancher hicks Chicken Obsessed

    Feb 28, 2009
    Syracuse, NY
    Just this week my cousin passed away. He was the same age as me, well a few months younger, but that's not really my point.

    It seems that Paul had a stroke. I don't have all the details except this one in particular. His sister signed a DNR. For those who don't know what that is. It's a statement that tells the doctor and staff not to perform CPR or other means to keep a person alive.

    BUT for as long as I can remember Paul lived with Denise. She even took his last name. The only thing she didn't do was put that in legal writing. No marriage certificate. Which meant Denise had no rights or say as to what SHE wanted done in this matter.

    Now it is my understanding that a stroke doesn't aways end in death and perhaps she wanted the hospital to try to save him. I have heard that she and Pauls sister got "into it" over the decision to sign a DNR.

    Thinking back a few years my other cousin Joe died of a heart attack at age 30. His live in girlfriend, who he had lived with since they were very young also had no rights.
    Cindy sat in the back of the funeral home while his mother sat in the seat of honor. If that is in fact what you'd call it. She too had no say in what was done. Where he was buried , stone , casket etc. etc.

    So why am I telling you this? Ladies and Gentleman that peice of paper as some call it has more power than you think. It can mean the difference of added heart ache knowing you had no say in what is done to or with your loved one or comfort knowing you did what you or they wanted.

    Last I knew Paul and his sister weren't even on speaking terms. I wonder what he would have said had he been able to speak and decide whether his sister or Denise were to make such decisions?

    Think this through. Paul was only 60. He had a son, was a teacher and mentor. Denise will have nothing but grief at the hands of her live in boyfriends family. In this state there is no common law. If they owned property together she has no rights to anything in his name. Even to half his estate.

    Like I said , think this through and then check your laws. Don't go by what family says, talk to a lawyer. You may not care about money or material things now, but you might when you get told you have to sell the house, car or whatever because you were not legally married.

    I think I can say with certainly that Paul and Denise will not be buried next to each other.

    Just thought you should know,

  2. Spookwriter

    Spookwriter Overrun With Chickens

    Feb 23, 2010
    A very important post.

    To provide a measure of security for your wife, husband, or even
    your younger children in the event of a death is very much a

    I'm certainly not a lawyer. But I am a husband, who loves his
    wife and daughter like no tomorrow. And in that love, I know that
    I am here only today without a promise of tomorrow. And that
    has been planned for.

    The marriage license is very much a part of our life. I haven't seen
    our in many years. Yet it the very core of my life, the most important
    paper I've ever in my life signed.

    I loved her enough to take that step. And I love her enough that
    even beyond my death...I will see to it that she is cared for.


    ***on another serious note***

    As many know, my father passed away in December. He left this
    world without a plan for moms welfare. How very foolish. I use to
    beg dad to let me get him life insurance. He thought it was a waste.

    *Mom has a policy. Dad never did.
  3. rancher hicks

    rancher hicks Chicken Obsessed

    Feb 28, 2009
    Syracuse, NY
    Spook, you make another valid point.

    I had a friend die a couple of years ago. While he could have taken less money each month and left a monthly check but he didn't. He knew he'd die. He'd been sick for years.

    He left her with no money. None, zip, zilch! She was forced to sell the house and Lord only knows what she's living on now. The two kids are no help to her at all.

    All one has to do is sign and let the other person pay for the insurance. Seems ashame not to let your kids pay for something like that if they're willing.

    You have my sympathy,

  4. newfoundland

    newfoundland Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jul 1, 2010
    This is a very important piece of information. Laws may vary from state to state in the US. Here in England, if a long term partner had for example contributed to mortgage payments by working and sharing costs, they do have a claim on the estate. It makes us aware that everyone should make a will, so their property can go to those that they nominate.
  5. punk-a-doodle

    punk-a-doodle Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 15, 2011
    Issues with hospital visitation/decisions and taxes/health insurance, and the weakness or absence of common law in all states, are the only reason my husband and I married.

    We stay together out of love and joy, we married for business reasons. X)

    My sympathies to you and your cousin's loved ones Rancher. Deaths are always made harder with family tensions.
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2013
  6. ChickensRDinos

    ChickensRDinos Chillin' With My Peeps

    Aug 19, 2012
    Los Angeles
    This is exactly why gay couples need to be able to get married. That document is a legal contract that effects a ton of financial and civil rights.
    1 person likes this.
  7. jak2002003

    jak2002003 Overrun With Chickens

    Oct 24, 2009
    I agree.

    Its important for any couple - straight or same sex, to get legal documents drawn up.

    I am a gay male, living with my partner for 17 years. We got 'married' or civil partnership in the UK which was great peace of mind for both of us.

    However, now we have moved to Thailand due to my partners work and our partnership is not accepted in law here so we are going to have to find some other way to safeguard each other in the event of one of us passing away.

    Its so sad that people can be too lazy to take the trouble to think about the person they have decided to spend their life with. Its very easy to push it to the back of our minds, but it will happen one day, then what will the person left do?
  8. MaryMouse

    MaryMouse Chillin' With My Peeps

    Dec 21, 2011
    It is a very good point that one should have their ducks in a row(so to speak) so when things happen..... That being said I think I finally have DH convinced a trip to the lawyer this summer is of the upmost importance.Trouble is he is a wait until its an emergency of epic proportions then do something kinda of guy. I on the other hand walk around just waiting for the hatchet to land. Opposites attract I guess.
    1 person likes this.
  9. Peaches Lee

    Peaches Lee Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sep 19, 2010
    Very sorry about your cousin. Good point about figuring important things like this out and developing a will. You don't have to be married to someone to have them be your executor or power of attorney though (which is great for marriage phobia people like me LOL!)
  10. rancher hicks

    rancher hicks Chicken Obsessed

    Feb 28, 2009
    Syracuse, NY
    With all due respect some of you have completely missed the points of what I said.

    1. You need to put it in writing if someone other than family or spouse is going to make decisions regarding your health care. You need to have a proxy and have it put in writing.

    2. You need a will. No will and your/their family gets your/their share/half of whatever property you have. You can lose everything!

    3. You need to make sure you or your loved one is taken care of in the event that you dropped like a ton of bricks.

    4. If they won't go then you need to force their hand. Have a lawyer draw up the papers and have them sign it and notorized. This can be done at most banks.

    5. As for being gay and their not being legal marriage. There are ways around this. Talk to a lawyer, have papers written up giving you or them power of attorney in the event that something tragic happens.

    6. NO EXCUSES. If you don't look out for yourself then it's on you. No crying foul when the you know what hits the fan!

    I wish you well,

    1 person likes this.

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