A lonely world

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by wildriverswolf90, Sep 15, 2012.

  1. wildriverswolf90

    wildriverswolf90 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    She lay crumpled on the ground shivering. A light rain dampened her clothes and matted her hair. A fog was rolling in off the bay, cloaking the dark streets. It was eerily quiet. A cool breeze brought the smell of smoke to her nose. In the distance sirens wailed, echoing down the deserted roads. A loud shriek peirced the night, then faded to nothing.
    She slowly got to her feet, blood oozing down her leg. Her vision blurred with pain. Her hair tangled with blood and ash. She heard a loud crack and gasped, as a large building crumbled to the ground. Fragments of glass and steel were strewn everywhere. Paper wafted down the streets. Her mind reeled with the devastion! What had happened?
    A man approached her. “ma'am? Are you alright? What's your name?”
    She opened her mouth… but had no answer for the stranger!

    Why couldn't she remember who she was!?
     
  2. OwlLover

    OwlLover Alaskan Wanderer

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    [​IMG] Sounds good so far. I like how you took the time to describe the scene.
     
  3. wildriverswolf90

    wildriverswolf90 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Thanks :D
     
  4. wildriverswolf90

    wildriverswolf90 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    The man stepped forward, glass cracking under his heavy build. “ma'am?”
    She stared at him. Her body shaking from the cold. “what… what happened?” she asked in a small voice. “wh…where am I?”
    Question upon question sped and echoed through her terrified mind. Horror twisted the features on her! She let out an ear piercing scream, as tears streaked down her soot covered face.
    The man took a step back, reaching for something at his waist. “ARE YOU ONE OF THEM!?” he screamed, as he pulled a pistol from his belt!
     
  5. OneShotHunter

    OneShotHunter Chillin' With My Peeps

    Nice! I like it! I have a piece of advice, you don't have to take it from me, an ameuter writer. For me, it works to use as few exclamation marks as possible. In my experience, it flows more smoothly, and makes your writing seem like it was written by someone older, (I'm a kid) if you can get the reader's attention and build the climax with many excamation points. (Please don't be offended)
     
  6. CayugaLover

    CayugaLover The Duck Whisperer

    eh, i'm writing a story right now, and, as far as i'm conserned, just get the idea down and then go over it and make it perfect. sounds good so far... suspence is killing me! "are you one of them?!" one of what!?!?! i must know! [​IMG]what happens next?
     
  7. OwlLover

    OwlLover Alaskan Wanderer

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    I like it too, the suspense is very good. Only thing I'd like to suggest (if these are chapters) to make them longer, at least 2 or 3 paragraphs. Its still very good though [​IMG]
     
  8. wildriverswolf90

    wildriverswolf90 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Thank you for the advice guys :). To be honest this all just spills outta my head at random :lau I don't even know where I'm taking the story :oops: so advance apologies if it seems rough around the edges. Eventually I'll turn it into chapters, but I type all this from my phone and it gets tiresome. Next part in alil while.
     
  9. wildriverswolf90

    wildriverswolf90 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    The muzzle of a black revolver stared her in the face!. The stranger's knuckles turning white as he gripped the wood plated handle. “are…are yo…you one of THEM!” his voice shook, his face draining of blood.
    She glared at the man and stepped back. “One of WHHAT!” she shrieked, her voice raising a couple octaves!
    Just then a screech sounded in the night, and headlights swung around the corner, illuminating everything! The doors of the vehicle popped open, followed by the lock and load of a half dozen automatic assualt rifles! “Private!? Back away!” a voice calle.
    She could now see the stranger was in fact a young soldier. In fact they were all soldiers!! Why in the world was the army storming such a small city!? She needed answers, now! “Why…what are you doing here? Why are you drawing your weapons on me?”
    The Sargent stepped out, a big man with scars, and a deep gravely voice. “We were ordered by the President of the United States, to eliminate all unnatural life from Vermillion South Dakota. The sight of MHG break out.” he spoke it as a command.

    “Unnatural life form? MHG? Wh…wh…WHAT!” she sputtered.

    The sargent spoke again, “MHG ake Mutated human Gene. Aka YOU. FIRE!”

    Her eyes opened wide as she watched each soldier fix on to her, then it felt like everything moved in slow motion. She raised her hands into an X across her body, and as she did fire collected into the palms of hands. Time sped up as a massive firey wall swept down the street. She took a split second to gape at what she'd done, then ran!
     
  10. wildriverswolf90

    wildriverswolf90 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    New chapter is up
     

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