A word of advice: Don't do anyone a favor if you expect one in return

[Gen9]

I have a strict policy in any relationship whether it's between friends, family, or coworkers. Don't lend any money when you expect the recipient to pay you back, and don't expect someone to return you the favor, let it be a pleasant surprise. Well every now and then I forget and allow someone to talk me into doing them a favor, that is, when I am convinced they will return the favor once they give me their word.

Here it goes, I picked up a birthday present for a friend that couldn't go to the store and get it herself (for whatever reasons I'm not sure). She was told she didn't have to get a present for this party. I was ensured that I would be reimbursed for the cost - $10 +tax (which isn't much... probably $10.76) so she didn't have any cash at the moment, and couldn't find her checkbook. So I said, Instead of paying me back, just make a donation to Team Jack for the Annual ACA Walk n Wheel online (gave her the website) - super easy, right? I didn't think it would be a problem since her household income is about 5x more than of mine (between $5,000-$6,000 per MONTH at the least). So I give her the benefit of the doubt and wait a week until it is pay day. NOTHING. Should I let it go? Are my feelings validated?

It is only $10, but I could have used that money to buy 3 boxes of cereal, or 5lbs of apples, NECESSITIES - gasoline so I can drive my son to all his specialists (he's had 2 brain surgeries so far, syringomyelia, hydrocephalus and an arachnoid cyst)! I would have felt much better if she would have just donated it to an organization that help people with mobility issues, than any other option. I didn't think she would be so self-absorbed to forget this kind of things since she is a "follower" in Jesus... (don't get me started on HYPOCRITES!) I don't know about everyone here, but when I give someone my word, it's as good as gold.

EVERY TIME I do something like this, THIS always happens to me. So just a word of advice, do something for someone else out of the kindness of your heart, don't expect anything back.

People suck.

...and now I step off my soap box.

 

[welsummerchicks]

I think it is better to not expect people to do things like that, just be happy when they do.

A acouple times in the past, friends have talked a lot about making a donation to a cause but never did.

In one case, the person just was not that into the cause, and was just being polite because I was so enthused about it. She had other donations she made every year, which frankly added up to an awful lot more money than I ever donated, and was more, even if you go by percentage of our household incomes.

In another situation, it was like yours - I bought her something at the tack shop that she asked for, I said give a donation, she never did. Much later I asked her why and told her it had bothered me. She said she had had some unexpected expenses, nothing earth shaking, but medical. Her husband had been paying her horse's board bill for her (she usually paid it) and she simply had decided she was going to cut her spending to the bare minimum while he was doing that.

I haven't had a case where a person was just looking to weasel a couple dollars out of me that way.

My suggestion is that if you say to someone, 'just give a donation of 10 dollars', that what it really sounds like is, 'you don't have to pay me back', and they're going to forget about it later, just because, well, people get busy and they forget.

 

[Gen9]

I think the thing that annoys me the most is she wanted to have a present that way the parents of the recipient would "have to" get her son a present for his birthday later - I didn't find this out until later, and had I known earlier, I wouldn't have done it.


It's just annoying. I didn't have a good feeling about doing this "favor" for her to start with.

 

[Gen9]

I was reading a good article about Favors vs. Gifts... very good, however, I can't be satisfied about this being a gift at all. The child had TONS of presents, and was about to go out of state to celebrate again, and get more presents. It was just very unnecessary, the entire situation. I need something like this to remind me of my strict policy once in awhile I guess.

 

[ivan3]

That was no favor, that was a quid pro quo. She stiffed you. She's her own best friend and you're the patsy. Corner her and demand she skin the tenner from her purse.

I never do a `favor' except for family, very old friends and when I assess that doing so, in some small measure, improves the general welfare, e.g., giving rides to families that are hitchhiking, clearing the ditches along our road of trash every few weeks, etc.

 

[Gen9]

I totally agree Ivan, I do favors but they are more like gifts only because I don't expect anything in return and as long as it improves their quality of life in some way. this had no impact on the quality of life for anyone, all parties involved have a somewhat good life. That is why I can't look at it as a gift.

 

[eggbuster]

I don't lend money I cannot afford to lose. I don't want to know what its for because I wouldn't want to be told stories that will create resentment later on. I simply say pay it back when you can. Many don't pay it back and they never get another helping hand and I call myself a shmuck. However, every now and then, someone does the right thing and its a good feeling. Once it was 10 yrs later, and it came back with interest and a thanks for being so patient. I had totally forgotten it. We had moved a few times and that person tracked us down to make it right. There are still good people out there.

 

[Peaches Lee]

Ugh! Tell me about it!! I gave free rent to a new business so they could get started for one year. After that I asked for rent, they decided to move and told me a day before the rent was due. They were also quite horrible, stole stuff, cigarettes all over the place. But they consider us the "bad guys"

You think I would have learned my lesson...No, I gave another "friend" free rent of my 3 car garage to help his business get started until spring and go from there, well their business is doing great, so by spring I ask if they still want to rent for a fee and agree upon price. When it comes time to pay, they say well how about $50 less, I say fine even though I'm starting to

Now, this person wants to use my front lawn space for his business too. That is NOT happening! So, yeah, I know what it's like to be taken advantage of when it comes to deals.

 

[Gen9]

@ Eggbuster - That would be nice of her to pay it back with interest, but knowing the type of person she is probably not. It was dumb of me, I know. I really didn't think it was going to be a problem though since she gave me her word and has a lot of money.

@Peaches Lee - sometimes people like us need to learn the hard way LOL
It may be awkward in doing this with friends, but maybe a contract would work better? that let's them know you mean business! I hate involving money in any kind of relationship - even if they happen to be a good friend of my friend, doesn't mean they are going to be good to me.
AND I have to say you are very generous! I just don't understand how someone can do you wrong after being rent free for any period of time!

 

[Gen9]

Quote:
I know exactly what you mean. It's frustrating though. I'll hold benefits with my kids' birthday parties and I specifically put on the invitation DO NOT bring gifts, all we ask are for donations to Team Jack, what do they do? The exact opposite! My kids don't need presents, they have enough - there are people out there that need medical care, or they have lost basic daily functions, we are just as happy as seeing that money going to a good cause in helping those people who need rather than a big corporation all about profit.