Accidently suffocated my duckling

Discussion in 'Ducks' started by TheDuckWoman, Apr 22, 2012.

  1. TheDuckWoman

    TheDuckWoman Out Of The Brooder

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    Apr 22, 2012
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    Oh god I don't even know how to start this, I feel so awful. I'd had an extremely bad hatch, I started with 8 healthy growing ducklings, due to hatch in 5 days. One night the special incubator bulb blew, which caused two ducks to die in their eggs. I had to use an ordinary lightbulb until I could find another incubator bulb. I went EVERYWHERE, but no shop had the bulb I needed. So I had to just continue with this bulb, which was wayyy too hot, which meant I had to elevate the lid of the incubator slightly, obviously this completely messed up the humidity. On hatch day only two ducks managed to pip, the other four stuck to the membrane I assume, which meant they couldn't get to the air sack to make the internal pip. I candled these four, finding three dead and one barely alive but still stuck at the wrong end of the egg. I tried to pick the shell away and left the duck in the membrane to absorb the yolk, although I didn't hold much hope. Please also note that this was a last resort and I'd waited two days after the due date. Surprisingly the duckling managed to almost completely absorb the yolk in this state, apart from the tiniest amount, about the size of a 5p coin. Unfortunately the duckling passed away. So with only two ducklings left stuck inside their eggs and stuck to the membrane, I began to free their heads and wings. They both managed to free themselves, and I'm sure they would have died if I hadn't assisted. One duckling (who was to be my little girl, Maisy) was completely free and fluffing up in the warm incubator, the other was partially attached to a bit of membrane by the umbilical cord, so I spritzed it (the cord) with water and left them to do their thing.At around 5am that night I suddenly shot up in my makeshift bed next to the incubator (I wanted to be close to them) with the horrid feeling of dread that something was wrong. Maisy was shouting at the top of her voice, and the sibling was dead. I felt so terrible, but I was just so grateful that I still had Maisy. I spent that entire day with her, and we were completely inseparable. I was also looking online for some day old ducklings I could purchase to keep her company. She would snuggle under my chin and make little content cheeping noises. I loved her so much, I felt so much motherly protection towards her, I just wanted to keep her safe forever. I'm sobbing as I write this. I put her to bed in a brooder and went to sleep myself. Early that morning (I've always found that ducklings are very early risers) she was screaming for me, so I went and got her and tucked her under my chin. I honestly wasn't intending to, but we both fell asleep. I woke up by my alarm and she wasn't under my chin anymore, yet I was in the exact same position as the one I went to sleep in. I felt something under my leg, put my hand there and felt fluff. I just knew what had happened, and her poor tiny beak was purple from oxygen starvation. I've been sobbing all morning and I just miss her so much. If love could bring her back she would be alive. I can't bring myself to bury her and her little body has been tucked under my chin all day. I don't know exactly what I'm writing this for, I just need some kindness or something I just feel so guilty and I know that I deserve to feel like the SCUM of the Earth, but poor little Maisy didn't deserve this. I just don't know what to do. Please help me[​IMG]My entire day today was planned around her: I was going to take her for her first paddle. I'm a sick disgusting person.
     
  2. m.kitchengirl

    m.kitchengirl Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Oh, no. Hon... You ARE NOT "scum" or a "sick, disgusting person". Quite the opposite.
    It sounds to me like you went above & beyond the call of duty for that little one.
    Please don't feel like one accident devalues you as a person. You loved her & did more for her than many. (I wouldn't have known how to "assist" a hatch in the first place.) Things happen. You were only trying to be the best care giver you could be. It sounds like you had an exhausting few days, you can't fault yourself for something like that.
    [​IMG]
    I am sure it hurts now, but you did your best, and I (for one) think that makes you a wonderful person. I hope that you can find forgiveness for yourself. [​IMG] I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  3. Miss Lydia

    Miss Lydia Running over with Blessings Premium Member

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    I'm sitting her having a hard time typing because of the tears, I am so heart broken for you. But I have to agree with m kitchen girl you are not scum or a disgusting person, you just have suffered a great loss after working so hard to save your ducklings. My advise would be and I am not wanting to sound callous but you need to get yourself a couple ducklings now and focus on them. There are ducklings right now being discarded because they were so cute in the feed store but now the person doesn't want them because they smell bad and are getting too big to take care of anymore. Find a couple of them and give them all the love you can it will help you to heal and also save a couple lives. Bless you for doing all you did for your little one Maisy. [​IMG]
     
  4. m.kitchengirl

    m.kitchengirl Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote: X2 infinity. I know it may sound like it is too soon, but I agree completely.
    This time of year, with Easter in the recent past, there are so many ducklings needing a home.
    You are obviously a caring duck owner, and the world needs more of those.
     
  5. TheDuckWoman

    TheDuckWoman Out Of The Brooder

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    Apr 22, 2012
    Cambridge, England
    Thank you all so much for being so lovely. I would reply to you individually but it would be saying the same thing pretty much. My mum found some crested runners and she's bringing them home today, I haven't brought myself to tell her yet though, she'd be heartbroken too. Although I'm still heartbroken about Maisy I can see that even though I shouldn't have brought her into my bed it was an accident. I think I'm going to go and bury her next to her sibling now. Thank you all so so much again [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2012
  6. starbird

    starbird Out Of The Brooder

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    Mar 29, 2012
    I sort of know how it feels, and it hurts. We have three week old ducklings. Last week we lost one of the three. We were very busy around the house and I left the door open and our dog got Sweet duck. It's not the dogs fault, she probably wanted to play, ducklings are delicate. It is sad. I agree you will be a good duck mother. Always have more than one, they really need each other.
     
  7. TheDuckWoman

    TheDuckWoman Out Of The Brooder

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    Apr 22, 2012
    Cambridge, England
    Oh my gosh that's awful, I'm so sorry :( thankyou x
     
  8. Mum

    Mum Chillin' With My Peeps

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    How on earth can you even consider yourself "a sick disgusting person"? Yes, you may well have earned that label if you were a cruel, callous, uncaring, vindictive, spiteful person who inflicted unnecessary pain on your duckling on purpose ... but, you didn't! You were doing everything you believed was right and loving for your little duckling.

    I'm sorry for Maisy and I am very sorry you are beating yourself up so hard. Be gentle with yourself; you did what you did in the name of caring, not cruelty.

    Now, the very best way to "repay" Maisy for her shortened lifespan, isn't to think of yourself badly, but to learn from the experience. The way we humans show love to one another is not always going to be the right way to show love to a teeny weeny duckling. They do need warmth, they do need a secure place to snuggle (I made a doughnut 'nest' out of a hand towel so my lone duckling has somewhere to snuggle).

    Good luck with your crested runners; put the past behind you, learn from any mistakes and move forward unburdened and wiser.
     
  9. QuackerJackFarms

    QuackerJackFarms Chillin' With My Peeps

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    you poor thing. I've done this. I know how you feel. [​IMG] Hang in there.
     
  10. jessiduck

    jessiduck Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I cried reading this because you're such an honest and tender hearted person! You did nothing to harm your ducks! You went above and beyond everything you could do to save them!
    You love your pets and would never mistreat them! This was not your fault don't blame yourself !!!!! [​IMG]
     

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