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All puns intended

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by WriterofWords, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

    4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

    5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
    6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

    7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
    "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    "Well, It's Not Unusual."

    8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field..
    Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
    "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy..

    9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

    12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
    He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

    13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

    14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

    16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
    "But why," they asked, as they moved off..
    "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .. a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

    21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
     
  2. wegotchickens

    wegotchickens DownSouth D'Uccles & Silkies

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    Sevier County, TN
    [​IMG]
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  3. Chicken Cluck

    Chicken Cluck Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 12, 2008
    No pun in ten did! hahahahaha! that's funny! [​IMG]
     
  4. Beau coop

    Beau coop Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 19, 2008
    WNY
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Thanks I needed that!
     
  5. HorseFeathers

    HorseFeathers Frazzled

    Apr 2, 2008
    Southern Maine
    But have you heard:

    One hydrogen atom says to the other, "I think I've lost me electron!"
    The other atom says, "are you sure?"
    And the first says "I'm positive!"
     
  6. jbowyer01

    jbowyer01 Just Me!

    Aug 29, 2008
    Hogansville, Georgia
    [​IMG]
     
  7. Redfeathers

    Redfeathers Chillin' With My Peeps

    Oct 11, 2007
    Gervais OR
    AWESOME [​IMG]
     
  8. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

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    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    Quote:Gotta add it to the list!
     
  9. mjdtexan

    mjdtexan Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sep 30, 2008
    Houston(ish)
    Quote:I dont get it.
     
  10. Beau coop

    Beau coop Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 19, 2008
    WNY
    Quote:Both Tom Jones songs.
    I dont get it.

    TJ sings the green green grass of home, then (www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjxY7xmhJ6o)
    TJ singing "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone.."
     

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