Am I Being Unforgiving?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Peaches Lee, Dec 20, 2011.

  1. Peaches Lee

    Peaches Lee Chillin' With My Peeps

    1,736
    71
    194
    Sep 19, 2010
    Pennsylvania
    The issue: My grandmother wants my mom, dad and I to attend a Christmas dinner with my uncle. We do not want to go.

    The background story: My uncle has always had a jealous, hatred type relationship with my mother (who is 2 yrs younger) and has threatened and tried to kill her several times throughout their childhood together. He is my grandmother's favorite, I mean the sun rises and sets upon his face for her, so anything he does is totally written off, forgiven and forgotten.

    He has been to jail several times for DWIs and admitted to the Psych Ward for causing neighborhood disturbances. He has a drinking problem which leads to a lot issues (like burning down his house) and he will hide the fact he's drinking, become paranoid and make outrageous claims like we are stalking him. He cut his neighbor's cable line because their kids were playing in their own lawn and "screaming". He is a truly creepy fellow as well. He is very smart and clever however, and can manipulate my grandmother and play her like a violin, to the point that he caused a MAJOR falling out with my grandmother where we did not even speak for several years. Now he is playing the martyr, and whining how he is sad that we don't want to spend Christmas with him. He has no job. He is basically "kept" by my grandma.

    Luckily, people do not judge us by his actions as we are law abiding, volunteer, rescue type people (who also have jobs). I don't want that to sound pretentious, I just want it known that we try to be the best citizens we can be by helping others and doing what we can and we feel his ridiculousness is downright embarassing. When my uncle goes off on a rampage, the neighborhood calls us and we make it right (my grandmother prefers to let him run amok and terrorize the community).

    I personally do not want to be around him because of how he is with my mother, constantly saying how she is the favorite...[​IMG] Last year my grandma's boyfriend got me a red dot for my rifle and everyone took a turn looking through it, and even though it wasn't attached to a gun, no one pointed it at another person's head, except for my uncle, who pointed it at my mother's head. That really unnerved me. I mean it wasn't attached to a gun, but I myself would never do that!

    So, my mom has said several times this year that she isn't doing any holiday get togethers with him, but my grandmother keeps pushing and I am starting to get more and more offended. She has no respect for our wishes, only what makes my uncle happy. Do you think it is unreasonable to not want to hang out with someone like this regardless that they are family?
     
  2. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

    21,917
    69
    418
    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln
    Don't go! Should I say more? [​IMG]
     
  3. Teach97

    Teach97 Bantam Addict

    Nov 12, 2008
    Hooker, OK
    I gots family that I won't hang with either

    I like positive people and don't like manipulation...stick with your guns...or take a gun...no that was bad...don't go...invite some friends over to your place and be merry
     
  4. Peaches Lee

    Peaches Lee Chillin' With My Peeps

    1,736
    71
    194
    Sep 19, 2010
    Pennsylvania
    Cool, I'm glad that you guys are of the same opinion. And thanks for reading my saga. [​IMG]
     
  5. sonew123

    sonew123 Poultry Snuggie

    25,007
    68
    388
    Mar 16, 2009
    onchiota NY
    It would be a NO GO for me too!
     
  6. teach1rusl

    teach1rusl Love My Chickens

    I feel bad for your grandma in that parents always want their children to get along and "be family."
    But I don't believe in hanging out with negative, ugly, destructive people, even if they're family.
     
  7. 1muttsfan

    1muttsfan Overrun With Chickens

    18,821
    1,189
    396
    Mar 26, 2011
    Upper Peninsula Michigan
    "I'm sorry if it upsets you, but we will not be able to be there."

    Repeat as needed.
     
  8. Chickie'sMoma

    Chickie'sMoma Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 21, 2009
    Rochester, NH
    there is a part of my extended family we haven't seen in years and i don't expect i will see them any time soon either. an aunt and my grandmother are not on the best of terms with a majority of their family. my father and uncle have pretty much been dis-owned from my grandmother since they both moved to other states and will not just bow down and GIVE her money every time she racks up a huge bill on her credit cards! my aunt and grandmother attempted to add my dad's name onto a bank account for my grandmother. dad sent a letter directly to the bank stating his name was NOT to be put on this account and that they did not have his permission to use his information since this was considered fraud without him being present with one of the others on the account when it was opened.

    there are very good reasons to not associate with some members of family. i would say yours is a very decent reason to not visit them. your uncle sounds like someone that wouldn't be hired by any business that does background checks. i would be afraid he could go 'postal' at the drop of a hat and i wouldn't want to be there for any of that.
     
  9. Dar

    Dar Overrun With Chickens

    5,930
    10
    251
    Jul 31, 2008
    you dont need toxic people in your life and this dude is TOXIC
     
  10. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

    63,837
    9,538
    766
    May 3, 2009
    New Jersey
    Absolutely no way would I go. The deal with the gun speaks volumes. DON"T GO!!!
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by