Any grown daughters with horrible mothers?? Warning-Vent.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by sred98, Jul 28, 2011.

  1. sred98

    sred98 Songster

    Jan 18, 2008
    I mean, ones that steal from you, lie to you, convince your 12 year old daughters to run away to "teach you a lesson". Even though they're a state away and have no idea if your kid is dead or not! Show up unannounced to your house, with the police, saying there's a threat of violence so they can force their way into your house (that you own!) and ransack it with the police standing there on their side! Then, when you finally cut ties and find your birthmother, decide to insinuate themselves into your relationship and destroy that, too.

    I mean, I've known since I was little that my adoptive mom had a few screws loose. All my friends did, too. It was bad. And between her and my adopted dad, she was the sane one! He was overboard on the religious fanatic thing. His dad was a preacher, and for some reason, he wasn't, but was instead a "prophet of God". So, that caused a lot of problems at church and in the neighborhood.

    I cut ties after the police incident. I found my birth family a while after that and had, what I thought was, a great relationship. It's a long story, but I have 3 older full siblings and one younger half brother. We had always known from things my extended adoptive family said, that things about my adoption weren't on the up and up. My birth mother said they took all the full siblings to the orphanage and she got the 3 oldest back, but lost the baby (me).

    After we had a relationship for a while, we got on facebook. It took me a while to realize that my adopted mother was stalking me on facebook. She started popping up as "suggested friends" and us having mutual friends. One of them was my next door neighbor from Romania! I called my neighbor and she had no idea she just accepted. She immediately deleted her, having been in a similar situation, she understood. Then I find out that my adopted mother and birth mother have been talking and meeting. I never told her too much about what my life was like, because I didn't want her to feel bad. Plus, I'm a pretty private person. I let her know that I had cut them off a decade ago for a reason. They aren't people I want around my kids or my stuff.

    Apparently, I was too late. Now, they call each other "sister" and are BFF's. [​IMG] I told her how upset I was, and her reply was, "No kid of mine is going to tell me who I can and can't be friends with!" Then, she started inviting my adopted family to her family get-togethers instead of my family. Now, my birth mother is supposedly all about family. All her other kids live in her town, as do the grandkids. We live 3 hours away and the adoptive family lives 4 hours away.

    I let my 16 yo daughter go there and visit her cousin last week. I had already talked to the cousin and told her my daughter wasn't to be around them if they come to visit. My birth mother knows this. It's been this way for ten years. It's not going to change. The day my daughter gets there, my B mother calls my niece and asks her and my daughter to meet her and my A family for lunch!! [​IMG] She forgets that my daughter was 6 when we cut them off. She's old enough to remember how they treated her and how they acted. She and her cousin said no way!

    I called my B mother today and asked her why she did that. She said it never happened and they're all liars. Then, she said she was sick of my drama and hung up.

    It just hurts. I never had a normal mom growing up. Or a normal family. I was doing good (I thought) with my birth family, and now they're gone, too. I mean, she taught me to can and make good biscuits, and she used to show chickens! I just wanted my own mom for the first time in my life! Is that too much to ask for??? How can
    I strike out with 2 different mothers??

    Thanks for letting me have a pity party. Please no ugly posts. I really can't take it right now. I just don't have anyone to talk to about this and I need to vent. It's over and done with, and nothing is salvageable.

    I will say that my husband's family is amazing. He's also adopted, and we have a great relationship with his birth family and adopted family. [​IMG] I don't know what I would do without them!


  2. Lothiriel

    Lothiriel Crowing Premium Member

    Aug 30, 2007
    New York State
    My Coop
    I can't relate, but I think you need a hug. [​IMG]
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2011
  3. True Grit

    True Grit Songster

    DH's family = your family. Glad you have them. [​IMG]
  4. Velvet Hairpiece

    Velvet Hairpiece Chirping

    Mar 4, 2011
    Louisville, KY
    Geez.. I don't even know what to say. That's just rough. [​IMG]

    I'm glad your in laws are there for you though.[​IMG]:hugs:hugs
  5. sred98

    sred98 Songster

    Jan 18, 2008
    Thanks y'all. [​IMG] Just getting it out there takes away a lot of the hurt. Sounds hokey, but it's true. I need to let it go and get over it, I know that. It's a toxic situation all the way around. [​IMG]

  6. melodie_a

    melodie_a Songster

    Aug 28, 2010
    Sanford, NC
    So sorry you are having such a difficult time with your family. [​IMG]
  7. zengrrl

    zengrrl Songster

    Mar 25, 2011
    Oakland County, MI
    We all deserve to have two parents that love us dearly but often times thats not the case. You are truly fortunate to have your inlaws. When one branch of the tree seems to fail us, another rises up to hold us. I'm so sorry your adoptive mother is that way.

  8. CarolJ

    CarolJ Dogwood Trace Farm

    Jun 3, 2011
    Middle Tennessee
    There's not much you can do about your adoptive mother or birth mother. Just be glad that you can stop the cycle with your and your husband. Prayers for you.
  9. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    [​IMG] [​IMG]
  10. JulieNKC

    JulieNKC Crowing

    Sep 25, 2010
    Kansas City
    Quote:x2 [​IMG] And you have your BYC family too, of course. [​IMG]

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