Any other women out there going through a similiar situation?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by nuts4chickens, Aug 20, 2010.

  1. nuts4chickens

    nuts4chickens Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Sep 19, 2009
    Kingston, GA
    I dont really like to post all about my personal life on such a public forum... but I am just curious to know if any other women out there are doing what I have been doing for the last year.

    First of all, my husband is the love of my life. We have been together for almost 20 years, married for 14. We had our children very very young. They are now 10 and 14. My husband quit school in the 11th grade and went to work. His parents were very poor and part of the reasoning for quitting school was that he needed to be able to support himself. I insisted he at least get his G.E.D., before we got married, which he did. We had a rough start, but we made it. I went back to school for ultrasound after our 2nd daughter was born while working 3 jobs so I could get a better job so we didnt have to struggle so much. (My job before was low wage, while his was decent) It really paid off.

    My husband worked for the same company for 15 years building tractors. Over the years, he worked his way up the ladder, and became manager over several assembly lines. He put in a lot of long hours, and made life-long friends there. We were so fortunate for him to have a good paying job. Then.... the economy tanked, and he was laid off last year. Needless to say, it was devastating for him, not only financially for us, but on a personal level for him, as well.

    We soon found out it is very difficult to find a similiar paying job without an education. All the openings posted have already been filled by the time the ink hits the paper. So, we decided he needed to get an education, or we would both be working 2nd and 3rd jobs for the rest of our lives just to make ends meet. Thankfully, I have a really good job, and I have the ability to make a lot of extra money by taking call and working overtime. So, we decided I would work extra to keep us afloat while he gets his degree. And that is what we have done for over a year now.

    I have really tried hard to be sensitive to him, and how it must feel for him to have lost his job and miss his friends. Plus it was a really hard adjustment for him to go back to school. He has to really work hard at it, as school has never been his thing... but he's doing well. He will graduate in March, and the market around here for what hes going to school for is really good. In fact, some of the only openings we see in the paper in our area, is for his degree. So I am very hopeful there is an end in site.

    BUT- I think it is finally taking its toll on me. I am absolutely exhausted. I feel like I work 24/7. I never get to see my kids. He always gets to take them to their practices, and games. He gets to see them off to school. He cooks a lot. He does everything for them, and I just feel.... like I am here for the paycheck. Sometimes it makes me feel so sad to miss out on everything. And I am afraid a little part of me is beginning to resent him [​IMG] I know he didnt ask for this to happen, and we made this decision TOGETHER, I just cant help feeling "slighted" lately. I am trying to be strong, and trying not to complain... but I just wondered if any other women are supporting their families right now due to the economy, and how are you coping? Do you think we made the right decision?
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2010
  2. Wolfwoman

    Wolfwoman Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 5, 2010
    Chickaloon, Alaska
    Now you know how a lot of men feel [​IMG]

    My husband and I have 'reversed roles' for much of our 28 year marriage. He LOVES to cook, I hate it. He doesn't mind housework and dishes and cleaning, I HATE it.

    So, for the first 9 years of our marriage he worked (in the Army) and I had part time jobs and stayed at home. For the next 10 years I had the main job and he stayed home or worked part time. At first it bothered him, but he did get over it. Now we own a small business and he had medical problems and I do a lot of the outside and more laborious chores, and he takes care of everything pertaining to the home. Except folding/hanging laundry...he just CANNOT fold [​IMG]

    There's nothing wrong with the way you feel, but one partner generally feels that way when things go awry. And with today's economy, that's the way things seem to go for a lot of people. Nowadays we all do what we need to do to get by, no matter the cost.

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way (resentful) but yes, it's normal, and yes you can get thru it. [​IMG]
     
  3. corancher

    corancher Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 18, 2007
    Colorado
    Sounds like you did the right thing, however no wonder you're exhausted. Do you have any vacation time so you can take a couple of much needed days to rest and spend with the kids? March is not that far away just hang in there.
     
  4. lurky

    lurky Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 4, 2007
    Western MA
    I am not in that situation, but i wanted to tell you that you have done the right thing. Its not your fault that it is wearing you out. Its been a long road, and it would take its toll on anyone.
    Try to keep reminding yourself why you are doing it, and that there will be or is a light at the end of the tunnel. I personally would share most of those feelings with my DH but leave out the parts that would make him feel guilty.
    Just enough so he is aware that your needing his support. I would think he would show a little extra appreciation for all your doing or something to give you some strength back. Let him know your getting tired, and missing the kids and feel like your missing out on so much.
    If you cant tell him, then you need to keep reminding yourself and there will be normalcy again soon. Hang in there..... You have been through so much together...........your almost there [​IMG]
     
  5. noodleroo

    noodleroo Snuggles with Chickens

    Apr 29, 2010
    Rockport, Tx
    Little sweetheart, there are lots and lots of us. I've been there and lived through it. Let me relate two things that I think will help you.

    Tell him how you feel without blaming. You are very articulate so I'll bet you can do it really well. Should go something like; " when I'm not able to be with the kids and you do, it makes me feel like_____________________. "

    The second thing that is really important is that you find a balance between work and your life. The two are not the same. You can do anything for a little while, but it sure is exhausting sometimes. Talk to your husband and the two of you find a balance together. Its going to be OK....
     
  6. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    I know that its hard. But.. remember that he didnt loose his job cause he was a slacker or looser. It was this dam economy....
    Its got to be so hard on him too...
    Also.. be thankful that hes a man that is even picking up the slack and cooking dinner and running the kids around....
    you could have SO much worse to deal with....
    Hes in school.. there IS a light at the end of this bad time,... Keep your chin up! He'll be out of school soon...

    Good luck! [​IMG]
     
  7. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    I agree with Wolfwoman!!! Now you know how men feel! They are usually the ones doing what you are doing now, which IS the right thing, by the way.

    I am in a position now to get a pretty substantial raise in the next couple months, and Ken said tonight that would really mess with his head because I will be making more than him. Men are funny that way. Especially those men over 40.

    This is just a temporary bump in your marriage road, and things WILL change. Life never, ever stays the same.
     
  8. nuts4chickens

    nuts4chickens Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Sep 19, 2009
    Kingston, GA
    Yes, I can take vacation time, for sure. Ugghhh. Sorta stupid to complain, could be much worse. This week has just been a real hammer. We had a pipe bust under our foundation, and we had to replace some carpet and baseboards, etc. Bills, bills, bills. Always trying to figure out how we'll pay this or that. Same as everybody else. I just want to have my other "jobs" back. I'm starting to feel like my kids dont need me anymore [​IMG] How selfish is that? My kids have a great Daddy who does everything for them. I never had that. I am so proud and happy they have such a good relationship....honestly. But where do I fit in the mix? Im never here. March is around the corner. uggghh... or is it? 7 months seems soooo far away. But, on the bright side... I've got 2 great, healthy kids, a loving husband, a roof over my head, and we all have our health. Just need a kick in the pants, I guess.
     
  9. lurky

    lurky Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 4, 2007
    Western MA
    Talking about your feelings is the first step to feeling better. Do it as much as you like/need here [​IMG] Ask hubby for a back rub, i bet that'll help some too [​IMG]
     
  10. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Quote:No..you dont need a kick in the pants.. [​IMG]
    We understand how you feel... its HARD!
    Just hold on!! Things WILL get better.. [​IMG]
    Now go tell hubby how much you appreciate him... and i'm sure that he'll tell you the same thing... [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2010

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