Any stay at home moms feel guilty for not bringing in some income?

[yomama]

I guess I just need a sounding board. I'm a stay at home mom of two grade school aged girls. I was employed, part time, up until a year ago. I was laid off, due to lack of work. It was a small clinic, and one of the doctors decided to go off on her own. Since we didn't need as many techs anymore, and I was the only part timer, I was the easiest to get rid of. Anyway, I love not having to work outside of the home, but the extra money I was making, though not a ton, did help. Not to mention, it was a vet clinic, and I have alot of animals, so I did get discounts on stuff. That helped alot. I guess I am just feeling guilty, since we do live paycheck to paycheck and it always seems like some major expense seems to come up when we are least prepared for it. I am currently trying to get on with the school district as a part time substitute aid. This is something that I know I would like, plus I will have the same schedule as my kids. However, that is at a standstill right now, because I don't have the extra funds to pay for the finger printing and processing that is necessary to obtain this job. My husband never tries to make me feel guilty for not working, but I still feel guilty. He knows that we could use the extra money, but he also likes the fact that I am home when the girls need me, plus I can attend school functions, take them to Dr appts, all that kind of stuff. I know that if I were to get a part time job somewhere else, I most likely would have a hard time finding one that would be able for me to coordinate with my girls school schedule (early release days, school holidays etc) and I don't have any family that could watch them on a regular basis. I have a mini farm at home, lots of animals and land, and it is pretty much a full time job taking care of that, plus the house and the kids, when they are home from school. Another problem with getting a part time job, other than the one with the school, is the summertime. I would have to quit each summer. In the past, I was very lucky that I could work just Saturdays, if the clinic was open Sat ( they were always changing their schedule ) or that they had a position available once school started again. I work really hard around here, usually not even sitting down until dinner time. even though most of the time, I'm in alot of pain, ( I have degenerative bilateral hip displaysia, both hips need to be replaced )but still do what needs to be done. Not trying to play a pity card, just explaining my situation. If I had my way, I wouldn't work outside of the home. But I feel like that is being lazy. I don't really talk to anyone other than my husband about it, and he is fine either way, though, he would love for us to have more money, of course. Occasionally, my MIL, who I am on very good terms with, we all get along just fine, will mention an ad for a vet tech somewhere, even though I have told her that I don't think I can do that anymore. I don't know, maybe I am being sensitive, but I always get a vibe from her like she thinks I SHOULD be working. I've contemplated working from home, but not sure what I could do. Once my girls are home, there would be no hope of me being able to concentrate on anything though.

I'm just wondering how to balance this whole dilema, if, at least, only in my head for now. Any ideas?

 

[CrazyChickieMama]

I haven't worked since my eldest was about 2...He's now 7. There are definitely times where I have felt extremely guilty about not working. But not for the sake of trying. There just aren't too many places where "homemaker skills" are acceptable as work experience!

It is hard to not feel guilty, but think of all the things you do during the day that would have to wait until you got home from a job, when you normally would be done with them and hanging out with the fam.

I don't have much advice, but just to hang in there and

 

[Brindlebtch]

I read someplace that if you had to pay somebody to do everything a stay at home mom did, it would cost you about $30,000 a year. You really are working.

 

[DuckLady]

You ARE working.
Your paycheck will be your well brought up children.

And it doesn't sound like you are sitting around watching TV and eating bon-bons either. You are taking care of your family and still looking for work.

Tell anyone who gives you a hard time to stuff it. And that includes you! Don't be so hard on yourself!

 

[txchickie]

I've been a SAHM since 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant with our first (she's 4.5 now). Before that, I was working as an LPN. Let me tell you, being a stay at home mom is MUCH harder, but so so much more rewarding.

My husband has a very demanding job and works about 60 hours per week. I am free to take care of all of the "extras" around here, taking some of the stress off of him. Even if I went back to work, he'd still have his same job, but he would have more responsibilities at home. We are lucky that we don't struggle too much financially. If I mention going back to work, he lets me know right away that he'd rather me be at home with our girls. It is easier for him that I am here to "do" for our family.

If I were working, I couldn't do the things that I do with my girls now. I am able to get my 4 year old up, prepare a nice breakfast for the family, take her to school, pick her up, etc...I am able to exclusively breastfeed our 3 month old, something that I wouldn't be able to do if I were working full time. I take care of all of the animals, I am able to be attentive to them all if something is wrong.

What I am trying to say is, you can't put a price on the time you are able to spend with your children. Being involved with their school. If your husband supports you being at home with your children, that is all that matters. I'd put a stop to MIL's "advice" asap.

 

[yomama]

Quote:
lol.

I really don't want to sound like I'm complaining. Even if it is barely, at least we are getting by. Guess I just needed to hear some other opinions.

 

[Fourgirlsoneboy]

Quote:
Exactly!

 

[HyLinda]

Don't feel guilty for having achieved something that millions of working mothers would give their eye teeth to have - to raise your own children! I had to work the whole time my children were growing up and had to put them in the hands of others. What you are doing is priceless!

 

[MsL]

Hey, Yomama -

Don't think there is any one right answer or way out of your dilemma. I understand some of what you are going through. I have been home with an injury for a year, and am just now beginning to look for work. I have some limitations, but am lucky to bring in some income as my injury was occupational.

How I get through days that are more challenging for me are by being the best me that I can for that day. I seek out ways to contribute and make me feel that I made a difference. Did I clean the house or work in the yard? Organize something? Take care of the errands? Cook something awesome? Did I work out or take a walk? I am a very physical person that can no longer work a very physical, rewarding job, so the change is huge.

Tomorrow will probably be better, and it most certainly be different, even though it can occasionally feel monotonously similar and stifling. Seek out your happiness, even if it is just a little. Give guilt the boot.

Best of luck -

MsL

 

[yomama]

Quote:
Thanks everyone for your kind words.

I do kind of look at in regards to "what have I done today?" That definitely helps me get through the day, instead of dwelling on money that I'm not bringing in. My mom was a single mother, working full time. She wasn't there for most everything. (she would stay home if we were sick ,though.) We really didn't even have babysitters, we kind of watched ourselves, once we were in grade school. Usually only an hour or two, till she got home from work. Anyway, I want to be as involved with my girls lives as much as I can. I know what it feels like to not have that. I essentially take care of everything here, even once my husband gets home from work. He is great though. He will help with dishes, makes the girls lunches the night before, whatever I may need him to help me with. But for all the major stuff, kids, animals, finances, yard, cooking, laundry, etc., I usually take care of it. It does help make me feel validated when he reminds me of this from time to time. I try to remind myself that I'm doing one of the most important jobs, being here for and with my kids, but it is still hard when they are at school, to not think about how you need the money. I agree with CrazieChickieMama, I would be up till midnight every night, if I had a job outside of the home, then had to come home and then do all my other jobs. I think what gets me is when we get together for family functions, and everyone is always commenting on how tired my husband should be from working so hard. He does work very, very, hard, but guess what, so do I.

It never seems to be justified for me to be tired though. Unfortunately, I think that comes with the territory. People just expect moms to deal.