Any stay at home moms feel guilty for not bringing in some income?

[yomama]

Quote:
Thanks everyone for your kind words.

I do kind of look at in regards to "what have I done today?" That definitely helps me get through the day, instead of dwelling on money that I'm not bringing in. My mom was a single mother, working full time. She wasn't there for most everything. (she would stay home if we were sick ,though.) We really didn't even have babysitters, we kind of watched ourselves, once we were in grade school. Usually only an hour or two, till she got home from work. Anyway, I want to be as involved with my girls lives as much as I can. I know what it feels like to not have that. I essentially take care of everything here, even once my husband gets home from work. He is great though. He will help with dishes, makes the girls lunches the night before, whatever I may need him to help me with. But for all the major stuff, kids, animals, finances, yard, cooking, laundry, etc., I usually take care of it. It does help make me feel validated when he reminds me of this from time to time. I try to remind myself that I'm doing one of the most important jobs, being here for and with my kids, but it is still hard when they are at school, to not think about how you need the money. I agree with CrazieChickieMama, I would be up till midnight every night, if I had a job outside of the home, then had to come home and then do all my other jobs. I think what gets me is when we get together for family functions, and everyone is always commenting on how tired my husband should be from working so hard. He does work very, very, hard, but guess what, so do I.

It never seems to be justified for me to be tired though. Unfortunately, I think that comes with the territory. People just expect moms to deal.

It is a double standard. I'm a stay at home dad with experience in education and people are so concerned about my working so hard. Women are often expected to parent with no complaint. It isn't fair and I can honestly tell you that no matter how hard my jobs have been before, this is by far the most difficult job I've held and I don't get paid (in money).

Dave

Thank you, thank you, Dave!

I would like to apologize for not putting stay at home dads in the title too. You guys are definitely out there.
The most my husband has had to "run the show" was when I went to England with my mom and sister for ten days. This was back in '07, so my youngest wasn't even in school yet. It was a real eye opener for the both of us. I missed my kids, but not the chaos and my gazillion chores. He was able to get a clue of how things were. However, he got a little help from family which p***ed me off! That is exactly not what I wanted to happen. If he is in an emergency or a pinch, then fine, call on your family. But for everyday stuff? I don't think so! I'm expected, just like all other stay at home moms, and dads, to handle it on my own. Anyway, he knew I was feeling unappreciated when I left. I think he was more worried I wasn't going to come home!

I guess my problem lies with the fact that we are struggling financially. We aren't late on anything, but if were to miss even one paycheck from my husband, we would be hurting. Fortunately, he owns his own company, and they are doing quite well, just not enough to get any major pay increases. If financially we were just fine with out me working, I would have absolutely no qualms about staying home. It's just the fact that we need the extra money, right now. It's one of those things that just sits there in the back of my mind, but I know that being home is also so good for me, my home and my family. Ugh!

 

[ninny]

Im a SAHM but im not overly liking it. I hate house work and im bored. We also really need the money but once i pay for child care and gas whats the point. We only have the dogs at the monmet so no farm chores to do. DD is only seven months old so its hard to do anything outside as its getting cold. Id cant even cook cause we cant afford it. If i had farm chores id be happy but as we are trying to move got rid of the chickens. Where we are trying to move to tempary we cant have anything but the dogs. So yeah anyway had to rant.

 

[farmerlor]

I feel terribly guilty about not bringing home any money especially now that we have so many unexpected medical bills to pay and we're really struggling. The kids are all in school but several of them have special needs like Annie's diabetes. She's very brittle and if she had another seizure or crashed I'm 4 minutes from her if I'm here at the house. If I were working I'd be a half hour from her and I'd have an angry employer if it happened very often. I'm well educated and have many talents but have been out of the work force for 15 years while I raised my children and medically fragile foster babies so who's going to hire me for anything but a store cashier? Not that there's anything wrong with being a store cashier, at this point I'd welcome the store discounts but with several back and knee surgeries under my belt (tee hee) I'm not sure I could handle the job physically. (sigh)
On the other hand, I do LOVE being at home, cooking, playing with my animals, being free to ride shotgun with my husband occasionally and being here to tell the school nurse how much insulin to give. I'm trying to do some writing....but the whole process is meant to discourage new authors.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

The real value of a mom is somewhere around $138,000!!!

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/CollegeAndFamily/RaiseKids/ThePriceOfAMom.aspx

It's adjusted every year. And that does NOT include those, ahem, extra services.

I started feeling bad and wondering after my girls both got to be full time school age. We tried it for a while. Everyone hated it. We could do it if DH was home at least part time, but both of us working full time did not work for us.

I have no clue how other couples manage it. It was too stressful, we were all too busy and spent far too little time together. My kids are infamous for asking those "big" questions either while we are waiting for the bus or shortly after they get off! One of my favorite times of day is that walk home with the kids. I want to be the one answering those questions, not some one else.

It means an old car, ratty carpet in the living room and no fancy vacation since our honeymoon! But, we decided to have kids so we are going to do right by them.....


Why does our culture value things only by how much money some one else is willing to ay for something?? Does it help your family? Is it good for you? Is it what you want to do?? I am able to work part time which helps. Something will come along when you are ready!





And print that article out and hang it on the fridge! Tell DH you wanna raise!!

 

[Ema]

thank you newfoundland and Yomama. I too am glad the accident wasn't worse.

Dave, my DH was the one who stayed home with the kids while I worked my 16 hour shifts, 6 days a week. he never complaint, the house was cleaned and dinner was always on the table. but as the years went by I did notice he was more agitated and worn out. he told me staying at home was harder than any physical job he had ever done. He said he loved spending all that time with the kids but that he was really looking forward to just being able to get a job. I know a lot of stay at home daddies and they are great at what the do!!! My Dh sure felt guilty I made all the money and he felt he wasn't contributing. But I told him all the time he was doing more than I did on a daily basis.

he was glad to go back to work, and now tells me all the time he could never go back to being a stay home dad, he enjoys his layoffs in the winter because we are all together, but says if he had to stay home with the kids again he would likely go batty. Soon enough our youngest will be in school and I will be able to get a job going around school hours.

I agree that a stay at home parent job never ends...there is endless list of things we do....can you imagine how long this thread would be if we were to list all the things we take on as a stay at home mom or dad????