Anyone have an unconventional upbringing?

[Xtina]

O ye wise chicken forum-ers!

I figure this is a likely place where I might find some people who had a demographically different upbringing than your peers, or whose parents had major ideological differences with those in the mainstream. We all know the way you were raised will have profound effect on who you become, whether you agree with your parents' beliefs, reject them, or pick and choose the good and bad.

Well, I fall into the latter category, but I mostly saw a lot of wisdom in my parents' belief structure. My mom was 44 when she had me. I was the youngest of four kids, and an accident. She was raised during the World War II era in Greece, which is a far cry from the hippie or yuppie upbringing most of my peers had.

Anyway, I consider myself to be a peaceable, open-minded person, and I hate to argue, but lately it seems like I've been doing nothing but argue, and with a wide assortment of people. And I can trace most of the fights to differences in my upbringing and what wisdom my parents could impart to me. I mean, let's face it, not many people who are 30 years old have parents who could tell Great Depression-era stories. Does anyone have two cents they want to throw in?

 

[Mesa]

Well I guess I'd fit in here. I grew up in a very abusive home. I thank God I made it through alive.
I dont dwell on my past. I dont have contact with my parents (mom is now deceased) I joined a church... found my faith, met my hubby and I have a new way of life.
I go against just about everything my parents taught me and I'm a better person because of it. I am now a loving wife and mama to 4 wonderful kiddos. I am so blessed.

 

[FrenchHen]

Husband and I both have kind of weird backgrounds.

I've lived in a big city and small towns, had 2 1/2 stepdads, had a preoccupied mom during high school, and "grew up" before most of my peers.

I'm stronger because of it, and trend toward trying to focus on common ground rather than being divisive.

His mom swung from fundamentalist to hippie to alternative back to fundamentalist.

Normal is a setting on the dishwasher. We work toward healthy.

 

[Xtina]

That's good to hear. Good for you for finding the courage to make positive changes!

I have to admit I had a wonderful upbringing. And I really hate arguing with people, so I've been on a quest since the new year to rid myself of anxiety and negativity in my dialog with others. I'm still arguing though! And I'm really not trying to, I'm just confounded by it.

 

[Xtina]

Quote:
I agree that there's really no such thing as normalcy. I just feel like, in Portland, people here are mostly transplants that came in order to find others of common ideology. And while I may agree with them on some things, for the most part they are trying to take their lives in paths that I was raised to view as unwise. Now, I don't necessarily try to pick at them for that, preferring to live and let live, but I'm feeling seriously persecuted here!

 

[FrenchHen]

"keep Portland weird"

There are a lot of alternative paths and folks exploring in Portland.

Arguments about life choices rarely make a difference. Folks are like cruise ships, they don't turn around easily.

Best to keep yer nose clean and be an example of what you see as a better path. Curiosity earns more converts than lectures.

 

[Mahonri]

In today's environment, I suppose I grew up in an "unconventional" home.

No divorces, on either side of our families.

We were taught to work hard, save and the value of a dollar.
We were taught to get good grades and to apply for scholarships cause that was the only way we would be able to afford college.
We read scriptures and had family councils regularly.
We prayed together night and morning and said prayers over meals.
We got jobs so we could pay for our own gasoline etc...
Neither me or my siblings have ever smoked or done illicit drugs, none of us have ever tasted an alcoholic drink of any kind.
My Dad loved my Mom and My mom loved my Dad.

I could go on but some here might get offended.

 

[Xtina]

Quote:
I totally agree! That's why I'm so confused about people's reactions. I agree that I am dedicated to my own beliefs, but I never approach an argument in a tone that I think would hurt someone because I'm really sensitive myself and don't like being attacked. But at the same time, I can't be censored or repressed just because my opinions are different from those that other people have. I feel like I should be treated with that approach that Portlanders claim to be so fond of: equality and open-mindedness for all.

It's just not happening.

 

[Xtina]

Quote:
Well, I'm not offended. I have friends whose beliefs range from across the spectrum, but I will never allow myself to be offended that they have a belief that is different from my own. Not until they try to attack my own opinions do I get offended.

 

[FrenchHen]

There's not an easy answer to it.

I hate conflict of any kind. That's not healthy, and I know it, but I still cringe about it.

I chose a different path than many of my upbringing, and I'm in a place now where my understanding and application of my beliefs gives me a different focus than many folks who hold those same beliefs.

People are people and relating to folks is just plain hard sometimes.