Anyone have teenage to early 20's sons or got past those years? Wisdom

[geebs]

Take heart.. There is something in this country called delayed adolescence.... It is very real..Even at 20 they are ill equipped to deal with the world..You can expect some real atonomy at about 27... that is about the average for boy/men...No I am not kidding... Everything is fast paced get it now pay later quick quick quick... Patience isn't developed..It is harder than ever for our kids to get the real world experiences of yesteryear.. It just takes longer.. which is fine as we are living longer anyway..Just hang in there.

 

[Beekissed]

I have three sons and, though I've not had to deal with respect issues~they love and respect me just fine~they do seem to want to make their own mistakes, regardless of what advice one gives them.

Everytime I want to beat their heads against the wall I have to remind myself of the stupid things I did at that age...and then I just pray that they come through on the other side.

I think boys are just slower to mature and learn their lessons...the whole Superman complex that makes them think that nothing could possibly happen to them or nothing will go wrong with their dreams or plans.

The good news? Just when you think it will go on forever your son will call you up and have a very normal conversation about budgeting his paycheck, tell you he is making excellent grades in school and really loves his chosen major, has really reasonable plans for his immediate future and will say he needs to find a local church and get back to going as his work schedule allows!

Then you will calmly tell him that you are proud of him and agree with his now wise choices....and then get off the phone and do one of these

all over your house and call up your mother and tell her the glad news!

 

[they'reHISchickens]

I have to laugh a bit.
My 27 yr old son who was even in the national papers ( please don't ask) is now settled, married with a son of his own who is remarkably like his daddy. Heaven help them both. We went thru the wild living on his own with bar girls ( he never brought them home thank heavens) I left him move home just to get him out of a bad live-in situation. Had him sleep on the sofa so he wasn't too comfy. He did his own laundry and cooking. He had a safe roof over his head but he had to make his own way in all other ways. ( He was over 20 at this point.) Told him many many times he wouldnt' find the kind of girl he wanted in a bar room.
I always had hope because I knew i had raised him with values, but he was always stubborn and independent.
Actually, when he fell in love was the turning point. His wife is a divorcee/single mom who married too young the first time and grew up and learned a lot. When they met, they knew the worst about each other and it was ok. She is keeping him straight and I tell him they are lucky to find each other and value that.
Now my other son is the world's sweetest most responsible guy. Always was. Married the first girl he dated and now 15 years later, I worry. Heck, I've worried the past 15 years! They are too different. Well, they will have to figure things out together. With them I learned that even the most responsible man often thinks with his pants not his head.
Trust that you did the best job you could and pray a lot. And keep the door open!

 

[maggiemooscluckers]

I have two wonderful sons. They haven't always been the easiest for me to understand but I always committed to love them without condition. Lots of times they didn't want "another lecture" or sound advice. They just thought they had it all figured out most of the time. One thing they always knew was that their Mom and Dad really were and are their best friends. My oldest son was heavily involved into drugs while living with his father but when he hit bottom and the time came to clean up he came home to live with me and his step dad. He knew where he could find direction with absolute love and acceptance. He now is 31 years old, married to a good girl and they have 4 wonderful children. Owns his small business and is making a way for his family. He always tells his step dad that he wants to raise his kids in the same way that he (step dad) helped raise him. Even though he rebelled at the time, now he appreciates the discipline that he received. My youngest son (now 26) is still searching for all of life's answers but has learned that a good moral lifestyle is a good place to start. Both of my sons have committed their life to Christ and now look to Him for their guidance. I know that we as parents strive to do it right by our kids but ultimately we can only love them and guide by example. They have to do the rest. My sons love and respect me and always have. They just didn't always act like it. I think that they just didn't know how until they grew up. With all that said my advice is to love him and look to the man he may become in the future.

 

[Steve_of_sandspoultry]

One of the hardest things I have ever done was to sit in a court of law and watch the procedings against my son. I did get him out on bail since the trial was a few months after his arrest but we sat down for a long and heart to heart talk which basicly was "I will be there for you but you made your bed now you have to lie in it". I was there for every court and it killed me to watch them take him away after the last one. He got lots of letters from me while he was in and I did make sure he had money in his prison account but I refused to go see him in jail. I did pick him up on his release and another heart to heart on the way back home. Since then he has thrived, a few rocky roads but overall he is getting it together. My best advice is tough love. Nothing more nothing less. Set the rules for you and them and follow 100%, that's all you can do. As hard as it is you can't help those that can't/won't help themselves, sometimes they have to hit rock bottom before they can look up. Wishing you the best!

Steve

 

[Cowgirlgrace]

What a wonderful bunch of people. Thanks you so much for sharing and encouraging. We taught our sons respect but I guess they lose it somehow during these years while they are finding themselves and gaining their independence. I think part of the problem is while we call them on the disrespect and reenforce our values it becomes a power struggle with them at this age. They think they should be able to do what they want 24/7 and for the most part I say go ahead but I just have to draw the line with certain things in my home. I feel so much better hearing others struggles and knowing things eventually turned out alright.

 

[debilorrah]

Well you poor woman!!! My son is 21 and he just "got it" this year. Ken is not his bio dad and Ken caught him mouthin off to me once and let that kid have it. Hasn't happened since.

Step son was in the paper too.

He is now almost 20 and out on his own.

 

[chocolate m'scovy]

Yes, I agree: being 18 does NOT make you a man. I am sure it is possible, but rather unlikely....

I have a brother [we'll call him Luke] in his late teens. In the middle of a chicken-butchering day, he simply disappeared. He phoned an hour or two later, saying he was all right and that he loved us.
He started phoning every night, and we eventually found where he was staying- at the house of someone we knew. The sad part of the story is: he is angry at our father for being "mean." Granted, our father did ride his case more, but we have heard some of the stuff Luke had spread on certain internet forums, and it was largely exaggerated or untrue. We have found him complaining about having to do too much work around our property. (BTW, he does not have a job where he is at now, and spends most of his time chatting on the internet or learning computer-stuff, which admittedly he is good at.) He also made up things about how my father often cursed at him as a morning greeting????

I mean, that's just outrageous! My father had suggested at least two job positions for him, and prompted him to get a job, and my brother said that he had not been ALLOWED to get a job!
When he had been still at home, he had quite frequently used the internet and Game Boy in an off-handed way, and my father eventually tired of tolerating his deception and removed those technological privileges. Now Luke claims that half the time or so, those privileges were removed when he hadn't deserved it..... So he is claiming that he was falsely accused and punished... and continues to breed feelings of injustice. Sadly, our relatives have been receiving HIS side of the story, which is quite prejudiced.

I think Luke just wants to have hate and bitterness in his heart. If you keep bad feelings in your heart and feed them and pamper them...they will influence you...for the worse.

Life isn't about being irresponsible, or blaming your misdeeds on others' (perceived or not) ill-treatment of you. He hasn't learned that yet.....we can only hope and pray that this is only a rebellious stage he is going through, and that, one day, he will become a true man...not only in stature, not only in intellect...but in character.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

terrible twos, adolescence & entry to adulthood all have parallel behavior issues as kids rebel & reach out for independence

 

[annaraven]

I consider the teen years to be the terrible twos reprised with kids too tall to pick up and put in their room on time out! (My DS is 6'2")

Thanks to those who posted. Mine is 17 and while he's respectful mostly, he's also driving me crazy sometimes...