I've always had a difficult relationship with my mother...I was hopeful that once I had my children things would improve, not so much. She constantly talks about how much she loves the kids and how much she misses them but does nothing to try to keep in touch with them or make any kind of effort to be involved in their lives. She makes promises to them she does not keep and has disappointed them (and me) on more than one occasion. I live in NE Ohio, she has lived in NC since she remarried 12 years ago. In years past her and my stepdad made some effort to see the kids and be involved (a visit every 3-4 months). Well, back in March my mother and I had quite the blow out over, among other things, her taking it upon herself to give my youngest DS his first haircut--without my consent! I won't get into the gory details of that but let's just say it has forced a rift that may not heal. Additionally, she has commented that she cannot control my middle DS (who I admit is a handful but not out of control). There are also some legal/financial things going on with her and my father (who still lives only an hour away from me here in NE OH) which has really soured my feelings towards her. Although we do not get along, I have not in ANY way done anything to sour her relationship with the children or withhold them from her. We had a crazy HUGE knock down drag out fight back in July and her and I have not spoken since, nor do I have ANY interest in speaking with her. She came to see the kids for about an hour in mid July and has not been up since. We called them so the kids could say Hi in mid August and she did call once in September to talk to them. This past month (October) is a big month for our little family, both DS and DH have birthdays. Older DS is on the 10th (turned 4), younger is the 19th (turned 2) and DH is the 27th. She never bothered to call EITHER DS on their birthdays, my poor 4YO DS has been asking every couple days WHY she didn't call on his bday! Poor thing, he is actually old enough to recognize she didn't call but his other grandparents did. There was no acknowledgment at all for either of their birthdays, no call, no card, no email, NOTHING. We decided to have their bday party on the 24th and I sent an online e-vite to the party at the beginning of Oct. I finally heard from my mom the Tuesday before the party saying that although she got the invite she would not be up for the party b/c she had to work but would be up the following weekend (Oct 31) and would like to see the kids and celebrate birthdays then. I replied back on the 25th to let her know that we had trick or treat The evening of the 31st but were free beyond that and asked when they would be in town and when they wanted to see the kids. My mother never responded to my note and it is now Monday morning which is her court date with my father so I expect they will be heading back to NC later today. Oh, the note I sent her went to her work email..the SAME email she sent a note to me on the party decline, so I know it's valid and was received. My dilemma is what do I do now? I've been sick about this all weekend. I just really want to be done with her already. I am SOO glad I didn't mention to the kids that they would be up or I would have really been in trouble this weekend! I feel bad for the kids but I'm done making excuses and lies for her. I'm so thankful and blessed that my MIL and my father are a HUGE part of their lives and never pass up an opportunity to be with them. I guess I'm just looking for anyone that's been in a similar situation or anyone that has any advice on what I 'should' do...I know what I want to do . What would you do if you were in MY shoes?