Should I post this or not Ok I will ? Thing is I guess it would be nice to find out if anyone out there is feeling the same as I do, Or doing the things I am doing each day? I am always tired. I go from day to day exhausted and nothing changes. I guess now nothing will. I look at my family and I wonder how it got to this stage? But it has and we just keep going. Sometimes I dont want to keep going because I am so tired I just want to fall over. But I know I cant. This last 2 yrs has been really hard work so I guess I will start with that and go from there. I was diagnosed as having Fibromyalgia a kind of Arthritis, which meant I couldnt walk the length of a room without excruciating pain. So sometimes I literally had to crawl on my hands and knees to get the things done that I had to do. ( Like washing my son and changing him!) Things started to improve for me and then last year I got a lump on my neck and I had to go for tests. They thought I might have Cancer (How could God do that to me I screamed as I washed my lovely long waist length hair in the shower?) How when I needed to be able to get around and do things and sort things for everyone else? I wouldnt be able to do anything. I would be really ill and I would want to hide away. I certainly wouldnt look like me for a very long time I thought as I looked in the mirror. The tears rained down uncontrollably, and I screamed a big long scream I am sure the neighbours thought I was being murdered! I rang the cancer care line and sobbed to a stranger for an hour. 8 long weeks later and post surgery I got the all clear Thank God it was not Cancer I pulled my long plait through my fingers and kissed it. I havent cut it since my daughter was born and she is 21yrs old! My DH was totally beside himself and didnt know what to do with me for those 8 weeks. So he took me out one day and he bought me 6 chickens! He knows I love birds and it was his gift for me to take my mind of everything and so here I am on BYC a Mad woman who screams at mirrors in her bathroom telling you all of this. Well that was a long old 8 weeks but things gradually got back to some form of normality. The Fibromyalgia didnt even bother me for a long time after surgery so I felt great. DH and I struggled on with our care duties - we have twin boys 23yrs old both with disabilities. One functions as a baby and needs constant care 24/7 and the other needs help to be able to live independently. Which means he needs help to do his finances, washing, shopping and reminders to do things like shower or feed his pets! Then DH began to feel ill and grew very tired and grey over the months. Something was very wrong. Then one day he got real bad chest pains in work and had to be rushed to Hospital by Ambulance. DH had had a mild heart attack. He was sent home and put under the care of a cardiologist. We had tests done and all the time DH got weaker. The man who helped me to do all the care duties and wouldnt think twice of working 18 hrs work straight couldnt even get out of bed some days. When we went shopping he would always be the man and push the trolley but now he couldnt even walk the length of the store. He would sit outside and wait. We finally got to see the cardiology team and he was sent for surgery. The major artery in his heart is damaged. So he had to have three coronary angioplasties and a stent put into his heart. By this stage I was beside myself with worry So now I added DH to my list of folk to care for. - He is still at high risk of heart failure. At the start of this year my lovely brave little daughter told us she was expecting her first baby. It was not planned and she is not married. There was a great deal of soul searching. She decided that she wanted to go ahead with baby even though she doesnt want it! So this year DH and I have been doing our best to get her sorted out. We have got her a lovely house in the next village and her partner has stayed even though he is only 19 and terrified! We discovered to our alarm that our daughter also has a coronary condition and guess what we ended up with the very same cardiologist her daddy is seeing! The Hospital is getting to be a bit of a home from home!!!!!!! We are now thankfully all sorted for the baby coming and are hoping that with our love and support our daughter and her partner will be able to see themselves as young parents and start to be a family. My daughter is hoping to go back to teacher training in the fall so guess what? - Baby is yet another to add to my, to care for list! I have to teach my daughters partner to be a daddy that sure is going to be hard work!!!!!!!!! But he is here and didnt run away and is willing to try so, Well so am I. Both of them still say "we dont want to have a baby". but bump is due well anytime now really so hay its coming ready or not guys!!!!!!!!! So in short I have a boy of 23yrs in nappies who plays with baby bricks on his bedroom floor and loves music and dancing, and can go for up to 36hrs without sleep. I have another boy the same age who constantly needs care and attention and more than anything supervision!! DH is slowly recovering but is often ill and tired and still spends a good deal of his day in bed. My daughter has been given the all clear for the birth by the cardiologist which means despite her heart missing beats he thinks it will stand up to the birth - ( Hope he is right?) Then I have a terrified sort of son in law who cries every 5 mins because he is frightened! But he will get there in the end. and baby on the way! and to top it all I will be a granny as well - My days are spent in exhaustion at the moment as I try to keep my head above water and keep everyone going. I wish I could go on a long break but I know I cant. So instead I go hide in the chicken coop and talk to my girls! They are wonderful and have been such a help these last two years. They keep me going ! Now I also have BYC - ! and all the folk I have made contact with through my chickens I am so glad I got chickens!!!!!!!!!! Oesdog if you think I am insane your probably right!!!!!!!!!!!! Is there anyone else out there like me???????????