are you pulling your hair out with messy kids?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Jkioneil, Jun 30, 2010.

  1. Jkioneil

    Jkioneil Chillin' With My Peeps

    535
    10
    146
    Apr 29, 2010
    Oregon
    i had a friend come over who has three kids and was amazed at how clean my house stays and how well my children work at keeping it nice. so i shared my secret and now her house is nice too. i thought maybe people on here might be going through the same thing... i sure had a rough time of it for awhile. but with so many kids....
    No joke i have a large family. as you can see in my sig. i have 7 chidren ranging from 6-17 mostly boys and man are they messy. We live in a three bedroom house but the entire upstairs is a huge room that we have made into the childrens floor. My husband and i are downstairs. . it can get pretty packed in here for sure and now that is summer we are all home so the yard which is huge and the house which is not is ran through all day long. However that being said it is clean. it is always clean or else someone is cleaning it. it used to be me! Until i could not take it anymore. I decided to redesign the way we do things awhile back and ever since it is BLISS! all chores are done on time with a smile no one person does more than the rest and we play all the time. my kids pick up after themselves and i am able to get my work done for graduate school. SO if you have kiddos and you can not seem to get them to clean or cooperate and you are overwhelmed i have a system that works really well. it is not perfect... this morning my daughter ran the dishwasher with the wrong soap so it was bubble mania and they all made PB&J and when i saw the kitchen i was shocked but they have since cleaned it and are off making the next mess they will clean. the 16 and 17 year olds did three loads of laundry and my husband and i make dinner together. which is fun. I run a tight ship but i would not say i am strict. i am consistant though. which is important.

    here is what we do.

    I have a corkboard with a calendar and a graph with each childs name on it. We make lists of all the fun things we want to do this summer. different kinds of games picnics things like that. so the focus is on the games and the fun. I went to the dollar store with the kiddos and hey picked out 20$ worth of small toys like water guns and mini frisbees and bubbles, little stuff. when we got home i filled our treasure basket with the toys. on the chart we have a section with the colored star stickers on them each color is for something they do that is good.
    yellow=cleaning
    Green=picking up after themselves without me asking
    silver=winning games
    Red= extras and things they do for eachoher
    Blue=each persons own thing they are working on an example is as follows. 6yearold=asks for toast all the time but wot make it himself if he makes it himself he gets a star the next day. 9year old whines if he makes declarative statements gets a star. each child has a thing they work on but the focus is ot on what they were doing wrong it is on what they can do right! that is important.

    i also give out the red star for when something breaks or someone left the toilet seat down or made did something crazy and they think they are gona get int trouble and they own up to it. used to be i would ask who did it? and they would all just stare at me like they don't speak english. now if he person who does it says i did it. that person may get in trouble but it is less severe and they get a star for telling the truth. that has changed things a lot. i hear I did it all the time! [​IMG]


    so every time they do any of these things they get stars. after 10 stars they get a prize.the prize can be from the rreasure basket and it can also be that they pick the activity for he following day or maybe what wemake for dinner. now i do this with the teens too. they were funny cuz they did not wat to do it but i said they had to in order to get privledges like the car or going somewhere special ie.. privledges. Now they do it all the time and they work together to help eachother reach the goals they have set.

    these kids beg for jobs to do to get stars. for the most part they are very mindful about picking up after themselves and come to tell and show me how well they did and ask do we get a star? they take it very seriously and help eachother with it. they also have stopped playing video games and come up with fabulous ideas for games and activities. before i did this they would act like without the PS3 or Wii life was a boring thing.

    i had them help with making the calander and they picked all the rewards and even thought about what they could do better. so if you are pulling your hair out trying to get your house in order and your kiddos are not as helpful as you may like try it and see if it works for you. the last year or so has been heaven compared to before! i feel free to ejoy my family so much more becasue i am ot always cleaning. i also found as an added bonus they listen better and respond better to requests then they used to. they also do a better job because if they dont they do not get stars. positive reinforcement is amazing and they look for things to make our family better. one of our activities in the board is a talent show and they are all super excited even the teenagers are coming up with great ideas for what they are going to do [​IMG] another added bonus is that my husband and i get more quality time at night and i am not so sleepy as i used to be [​IMG] [​IMG]

    hope this helps someone it really changed our lives.

    gotta go we are having a balloon fight in a few minutes! (my 8 year olds pick from yesterdays blue star competition)!

    let me know if this is something that even intrests anyone?or maybe share what you do. i would love to add to my tool belt!
     
  2. slackwater

    slackwater Chillin' With My Peeps

    771
    8
    141
    Feb 1, 2010
    SoMD
    Wow...I tend to just say that, if they all pick up the play room cooperatively & quickly, they get candy. That gets them moving. But I like your ideas! WIll have to put some to work!
     
  3. Jkioneil

    Jkioneil Chillin' With My Peeps

    535
    10
    146
    Apr 29, 2010
    Oregon
    here is a pic of our corkboard. not fancy but it works

    [​IMG]
     
  4. chixie

    chixie Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 6, 2009
    kountze texas
    kids and DH when he is home
     
  5. Ema

    Ema Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 4, 2010
    N. Ontario CANADA
    this is a fabulous idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [​IMG]

    I have a 2yr old an a 6 yr old at home...and I can tell you on a daily basis, scratch that... on an hourly basis I am on their case, pick up your toys, put your laundry in the baskets, place your shoes where they are suppossed to be, make your bed, hey pick all those colouring pencils up....the dogs are chewing your toys/socks/shoes/...how many times do I have to trip over the darn toy horse, [​IMG] why are the couch pillows on the floor....blah blah blah blah...by the time my husband comes home, I am a super b**** and of course he gets the brunt of it all [​IMG]. I love him and he understands but poor man, after 12 or 16 hours of work he has to listen to it all.

    I have tried soo many things and I just can't seem to make anything stick or work. They have tons of toys and the one that works for me is the "OK I AM GRABBING A GARBAGE BAG!!!!!!!" of course they both run and pick everything up. then within an hour its the same all over again [​IMG]. I have a small house, only because the basement is still being renovated....and I feel like I am goign to go insane...toys everywhere.

    On friday I am going to pick a bunch of toys and donate them, exactly what I did just before Xmas.

    my daughter who is 6 complains about helping, and its settign a bad example to my 2 yr old who is always happy to pick up things or loves to help me dust, and always asks me to give him a cloth, mind you any help offered I will take, when he is done I have the cleanest t.v screen cause he wipes it for like 3 hours...lol...I need to try this and see where it goes. if not I might just pull out my hair.
     
  6. SunChick

    SunChick Chillin' With My Peeps

    448
    1
    151
    Feb 23, 2007
    Bel Air, Maryland
    My 6year old is really into coins so he earns an allowance in quarters. He gets four quarters a week IF he does his chores willingly. He has a talking bank that tallies his funds which he loves. We "go to work" as he calls it so he can earn his allowance. He really understands that he doesn't get an allowance if he doesn't do his chicken chores or help out at the barn, pick up his room. He now asks when we are going out to "go to work" so he can earn his quarters. We have even laid down rules about giving attitude when asked and bring up losing the allowance if he kicks that into gear. What amazes me is that at 6y he gets more bummed out about not getting his quarters over anything else. We are really trying to teach him to save and show him how money is used appropriately, so far it seems to be working.

    I think the key is to find something that motivates your child and give and take with it but you have to stick with a plan and not waiver how you are going to run it.
     
  7. Jkioneil

    Jkioneil Chillin' With My Peeps

    535
    10
    146
    Apr 29, 2010
    Oregon
    yes! i cant really give money but i think that is a great idea. when i had only two kids i would give allowence and take a percentage out and put it into a jar as taxes. then at the end of the month we would get together as a democracy and vote on what we wanted to do with the tax dollars as a family and then use it to go to rent movies or an outing. what it is about is consistancy.

    Anyone see Karate Kid 2010 ? i the beginning there was a part where he would not pick up his coat. why? It was becasue he did not have to. there was no consistancy. his mother would give up and do it for him. that sends mixed messages and next time she asks him to pick it up it will take him longer to respond becasue if he fights it long enough then she will do it for him. maybe sometimes she sticks to it and makes him pick it up. well then next time she asks he will wait her out longer to see f this is the time she will do it for him or if this is the time he will have to do it. standoff.

    if my daughter hrows a tantrum in the store and i give in then the tantrum next time could be worse and lets say i dont give in next time well now she is unsure about where i stand the third tatrum is going to be much much worse! and this will continue until i show the same response everytime. then the tantrums stop.

    Oh and one thing that you might want to try with the 6 year old that does not like to pick up toys is make a game out of it. we pretend that a evil witch has taken us captive and we have to clean her house before she gets there. then we all clean and talk about if we think she will eat us or if it is clean enough then when we are done i go get my robe and halloween witch hat and inspect it in my most witchy voice and decide their fate. usually they live to see another day. sometimes they get to be the witch too. it makes it more fun. the boys pretend it is the green goblin coming or that spiderman is coming for lunch and we have to ake the house nice before he gets there! try it and see if it works.
     
  8. Jkioneil

    Jkioneil Chillin' With My Peeps

    535
    10
    146
    Apr 29, 2010
    Oregon
    Quote:Maybe have them pick out what to donate so it is ot as much a punishment as a giving act. and if you do that to avoid any oh no my toys! crying and what not put a number on it like you keep x amount of your stuffed toys and blah amount of your cars or whatever so they have a fixed number that is about them. that has worked for me in the past when i was up to my ears in toys and the need to clean out and donate was a must!

    please let me know how it goes.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2010
  9. Tigerjane

    Tigerjane Chillin' With My Peeps

    397
    1
    111
    Jun 17, 2010
    Pflugerville, TX
    Quote:This sounds like an AWESOME idea. I hope I remember this when we're ready to have kids!
     
  10. Ema

    Ema Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 4, 2010
    N. Ontario CANADA
    Quote:Maybe have them pick out what to donate so it is ot as much a punishment as a giving act. and if you do that to avoid any oh no my toys! crying and what not put a number on it like you keep x amount of your stuffed toys and blah amount of your cars or whatever so they have a fixed number that is about them. that has worked for me in the past when i was up to my ears in toys and the need to clean out and donate was a must!

    please let me know how it goes.

    As much as I would love to give them the option of helping with the donations, its not something I can do... [​IMG] I have tried this before and guess what they wanted to keep everything. so what I do is take all the favorite toys and placed them aside, then I take all the toys they no longer play with or haven't touched in months and stick them in a bag. If they really want to keep something they tell me why and we reason on it but usually all the ones that I give away aren't any longer played with. Before Xmas on top of the three full garbage bags of toys I gave away I also gave away 7 garbage bags of clothing. To which my daughter cried and stomped her feet because she didn't wan tto give any of it away, let me tell ya, nothing fit her and hadn't fit her in months/years....so I will let them help me out at first, but if it turns into a whine fest, I continue on my own. they like to hang on to things even if they don't fit or haven't playd with it in ages...my little packrats!!! lol I will say though I never get rid of any favorite toys or stuffies because my kids will use a different sutffie every night to cuddle with..hence why my daughter has like 100 different stuffed toys...lol..
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by