Be glad you never got one of these Performance reviews

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by WIChookchick, Jan 12, 2011.

  1. WIChookchick

    WIChookchick Chillin' With My Peeps

    Aug 25, 2010
    Rural Brooklyn, WI
    http://www.funnyhumor.com/jokes/638.php

    Performance
    Reviews

    These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation.

    (1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig."

    (2) "His men would follow him anywhere...but only out of morbid curiosity."

    (3) "I would not allow this employee to breed."

    (4) "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."

    (5) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

    (6) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

    (7) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

    (8) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

    (9) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

    (10) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

    (11) "This employee should go far...and the sooner he starts, the better."

    (12) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

    (13) "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

    (14) "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

    (15) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

    (16) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

    (17) "He's been working with glue too much."

    (18) "He would argue with a signpost."

    (19) "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

    (20) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

    (21) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

    (22) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored...he's the other one."

    (23) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

    (24) "A prime candidate for natural deselection."

    (25) "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

    (26) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

    (27) "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

    (28) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

    (29) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

    (30) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

    (31) "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."

    (32) "One neuron short of a synapse."

    (33) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

    (34) "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

    (35) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
     
  2. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

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    May 3, 2009
    New Jersey
    I take offense that you posted my performance review.[​IMG]
     
  3. WoodlandWoman

    WoodlandWoman Overrun With Chickens

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    [​IMG]
     
  4. TriciaHowe

    TriciaHowe Mother Hen

    Nov 11, 2008
    Trenton, FL
    [​IMG] [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
  5. Funky Feathers

    Funky Feathers former Fattie

    6,150
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    Jan 15, 2009
    Maryland
    My Coop
    Oh crap! How did my review get out? Noooooo!! [​IMG]
     
  6. kla37

    kla37 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 18, 2010
    Hillsborough, NC USA
    [​IMG] [​IMG] I know some people that some of those descriptions would fit. Great lines!
     
  7. HorseFeatherz NV

    HorseFeatherz NV Eggink Chickens

    [​IMG]

    I have had days like this


    Quote:
     
  8. mississippifarmboy

    mississippifarmboy collects slightly damaged strays

    Has my wife been telling people about me again? [​IMG]
     
  9. colowyo0809

    colowyo0809 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 27, 2010
    Dacono, CO
    Quote:I know several people this fits. [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    oh, thats funny stuff [​IMG]
     
  10. goldenluver

    goldenluver Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 20, 2009
    Springfield, Oregon
    by the time I hit number 13 I spewed water all over my computer. didn't stop laughing after that
     

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