Beware of bread!

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Moxiechick, Aug 11, 2010.

  1. Moxiechick

    Moxiechick Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jan 15, 2010
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    Bread is Dangerous

    Important Warning for those who have been drawn unsuspectingly into the use of bread:

    1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

    2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

    3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

    4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

    5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

    6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

    7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

    8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

    9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

    10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

    11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

    12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.


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  2. joletabey

    joletabey SDWD!!!!

    Apr 9, 2009
    western NC
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  3. WoodlandWoman

    WoodlandWoman Overrun With Chickens

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  4. Godsgrl

    Godsgrl Ostrich wrangler

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    at the zoo usually
    Good thing I can't eat bread, then, huh? [​IMG] That was cute, thanks!
     
  5. WoodlandWoman

    WoodlandWoman Overrun With Chickens

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    I have to admit, though, good homemade bread, fresh out of the oven, really might be addictive! [​IMG]
     
  6. sfw2

    sfw2 Global Menace

    They can ban bread when they pry it from my cold, dead, bread-pudding fingers!!

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  7. sixlittlechicks09

    sixlittlechicks09 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    AWESOME! [​IMG]
     
  8. AllTheseCreatures

    AllTheseCreatures Chillin' With My Peeps

    LOL. This made my afternoon.
     
  9. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

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    ... off to the kitchen... I just bought some today.

    YUM, I'm gonna die.
     
  10. vetgirl00us

    vetgirl00us Chillin' With My Peeps

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    LOL! I like that!!
     

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