When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, my big brother Mike took me out to the stoop. Then he sat me down and he spoke real slow, and he told me there was something I needed to know. His look and his tone I'll always remember when he told me of the horrors of black November. Come about August, now listen to me, each day you'll be thick, where once you were thin and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin. Then one morning when you are warn in your bed, in'll burst the farmers wife an hack off your head. Then she will pluck out all your feathers so your bald an pink and scoop out all your insides and leave ya lying in the sink. Then comes the worst part he sad not bluffing, she'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing. Well the rest of his words were to grim to repeat, I sat on the stoop like a winged peice of meat and decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked, I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked. I began a new diet of nuts and granola, high roughage salads, juice and diet soda and as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes. I maintained my weight of 2lbs and a half and tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed. But twas I who was laughing, under my breath, as they choped and they chewed, ever closer to death, and sure enough when black November rolled around, I was the last turkey left in the entire compound. So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wifes lap, I haven't a worry so I eat and I nap. She held me today while sewing and hummig and smiled at me and said Christmas is coming.