Broke Up, Having A Really Hard Time Accepting. :-'(

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Chickenfan4life, Dec 29, 2012.

  1. Chickenfan4life

    Chickenfan4life Overrun With Chickens

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    So, my big brother, Chris, met this wonderful young girl named Megan. They had know each other for close to ten years, now, and Chris had started dating her last year. Well, this year, on October 19, things started going horribly, horribly wrong! Megan just wasn't happy. Then, they... they broke up.

    That whole night after I learned that they were breaking up, I cried! I felt sorry for Chris, whom had bought the engagement ring, and I felt sorry for myself. I was sad for a while, then I became angry! She lied to me! I asked if she would always be here for us. She looked me straight in the eyes and promised me!

    Now I realized that she lied! When dad made the annual bon-fire this year, I took all of our photos of us together and threw them on the fire! [​IMG] Now I just can't stop thinking about her! I am angry, and yet sad, too.

    I am angry because she lied to me and deceived me! But, I am sad because she was my friend for so many years, and because Chris did his best to bring her to the LORD and she turned away, maybe never to know Christ! [​IMG]

    I know that it is several months later, but lately she has been poisoning my mind! I cannot stop thinking of her, and for this reason I cry a lot. For me, it is a lot like losing a family member.

    Please share words of comfort and advice. I could really use advice!
     
  2. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

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    Sometimes we just have to let people go. My daughter dated the 'perfect' young man and was very much in love. He became a member of our family. He was the son-in-law that I would have picked. When he broke up with her it was devastating for all of us. Funny how things work out. My daughter is about to celebrate a 20 year wedding anniversary with a man who is a great provider, father, and who adores her. He's not the one I would have picked for her. [​IMG] She got lucky. I wish the same for your brother.
     
  3. Chickenfan4life

    Chickenfan4life Overrun With Chickens

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    Thank you, sourland. I wish there was a way to help my brother, Chris. He still has the photos of Megan. I asked what he did with them, and he said he threw them away, but really he still has all of them.
     
  4. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    In the end, if she did not feel the same way as Chris did, it is best she left. And when she told you she would be there, I am sure she felt that was the truth at the time.
     
  5. punk-a-doodle

    punk-a-doodle Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I would actually suggest talking to a counselor or therapist as there seems to be more going on here that may be beneficial to address. It is much, much better for people to call off a relationship that is not working than to live a lie of a marriage. If she wasn't happy, but married your brother anyway, that could have led to years, or decades, of unhappiness.

    It is unfair to be angry at someone for not converting to a religion you want them to (or for not deconverting), and while feeling anger or any emotion is just fine and natural, it is up to us to explore those feelings and work through them as well as recognize them as being rational, fair, etc. or not.

    There is a way to help your brother. :) Listen to him, and support him while he heals. Take him out to a movie and to other fun activities. Time and support do wonders. You sound like you have a lot of love and support to give, and helping him heal is likely going to help a caring person such as yourself heal as well.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2012
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  6. Chickenfan4life

    Chickenfan4life Overrun With Chickens

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    I am not angry with Megan for her religion. I am angry with her because she lied to me.
     
  7. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    She probably got tired of having religion shoved down her throat...
    I'd take off too.. :confused:
     
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  8. Bunnylady

    Bunnylady POOF Goes the Pooka

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    Red, this is a kid. That wasn't really helpful.[​IMG]

    Chickenfan, at this point, it really isn't about her anymore. You said she's poisoning your mind - yet she's been out of your life for a couple of months. Yes, you feel hurt, but is it really fair to say she lied? The whole situation changed. Can you imagine how painful it would be if she tried to remain exactly as close to you as before, and yet not be your brother's girlfriend? What if she was coming by your house to see you, but avoiding him? Crazy making for sure!

    Anger is often a part of grief, and you are grieving for a friendship that was lost. I really don't think Megan lied to you, at the time she said what she said, I'm sure she meant every word. I doubt that Megan could have known then that things would turn out the way they have. In the 10 years that you have known Megan, you have come to love her, and now she has hurt you as only one that you love can hurt you. She has hurt your brother too (more, actually), and it is always painful to see one that we love get hurt. I"m sure this is causing Megan pain, too, but if it wasn't right for her, she did what she felt she had to do by breaking up with your brother. You don't learn to love somebody, and then just stop loving them in an instant. Maybe someday you will all be friends again, but right now, it's too hard for all of you.

    What you need to do is turn Megan over to the Lord. Every time you think of her, pray for her. Thank Him for the friendship you have shared, and pray for her happiness. Ask Him to heal all of your hearts. As Sourland said, you have to let her go, and let go of the anger and hurt, too. Hugs.[​IMG]
     
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  9. cafarmgirl

    cafarmgirl Overrun With Chickens

    People change, people grow apart. It happens. You really can't expect someone to promise that they will always be there for you, they can't see the future. I'm sure she meant well when she said it. They may have known each other for a long time but they only dated for a year. Knowing someone for a long time doesn't mean the match is marriage material and that's probably what Megan discovered. There is no reason to hate her for that. It would have been much worse to carry on, get married, have children and THEN either decide to get divorced or live an unhappy life.

    She had to make a hard decision and there's no reason to hate her for it. I'm not saying it's not sad and disappointing but she's not poisoning your mind and hating her for it is not helping anyone.
     
  10. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    How did i know that? And actually, i stand by what i said. Adult or kid,..
    ... it sounds like the whole religion issue was a contributing problem to the whole break up... and its something to think about.
    I'm sure she probably had had enough and wanted to move on ... it is what it is.. sorry if i offended..but... :confused:.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2012

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