Can I be petty for a minute about my mom?

[MamaRoo]

You say:

"oh no, I already got your gifts. I made a donation to 'insert name of charity' in the family's name."

Then smile.

 

[sourland]

Sure wish that I had a Mom or Dad to be petty about.

Guess it's all a matter of perspective.

 

[Spookwriter]

I'm facing what I'm pretty sure is my Dad's last Christmas.

For what it's worth, life isn't about the gifts.

 

[MamaRoo]

I didn't really read it as being about the gifts. To me her post was more about the symbology of the gifts. She wants her own kids to feel loved by their grandparents, and loved equally. She wants to feel as if her Mom wants to give presents to her grandkids. She's not prepared to be made to feel as if she's supposed to spoil her mother.

I think most emotional things get tangled up in the tangible. For this family, right now, the gift giving is about showing love. Just my take.

 

[Mattemma]

I wouldn't care about the amount spent on the kids,but I would remind her that there is to be no presents for adults.

 

[calicokat]

Quote:
Maybe you could have just posted for me - you summed it up exactly

 

[zzGypsy]

there are lots of things my mother doesn't get, about appropriate caring, about boundaries, about how anyone can want or believe anything other than what she does...

took me 40 years to learn how, but I can now say, "mom, I know that's what you want, and I'm happy for you, however that's not what *I* want." and I can now say "mom, we talked about that. remember, we agreed xxxx." it flusters her, but it's part of the deal. she doesn't have boundaries but I do. if she want's to have things work between us she has to respect them, and both of us can and should live up to our agreements.

I'm thinking maybe a hug and a gentle "mom, you know we're like you, we have a limited budget. that's why I thought it was such a good idea when you suggested we don't buy for each other, and that you were only going to buy for the grandkids." maybe follow up with a "you know I really think it's sweet of you to get them something every year. it means a lot to them."

and then make sure she gets really mushy hand-made thank you cards from all your kids.