Can't do this much more

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Kitt, Jun 21, 2011.

  1. Kitt

    Kitt Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I take care of my in-laws. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I have 2 BILs and one is married. Neither one wants anything to do with their parents unless they want money. The SIL has called animal control because my llama was too skinny. He just got shaved and they do look super skinny compared with all the fiber they were carrying around. She has called Adult protective services on me because my MIL complained to her that she didn't eat for days. I cook. Every day. I take her plate to her and she eats on her bed. I can not help it if she don't like what is cooked that night or just don't want to eat it. I had these people (adult services) taking pics of my house, fridge and pantry and giving me the 3rd degree.

    I don't know if she has the beginning stages of Alzheimers or she is just being bratty. I know this sounds mean. In public she sounds like a child yelling mommy mommy to me. I had one lady come up and say she understands cause her mom is alzheimers. Fil lets her drive and she has been known to drive into on coming traffic. Thank God there has not been an accident. He says he is going to take the keys but never does. She takes his pay and totaly blows it. She bought $50.00 in insulated cups. We don't need that many and now they are sitting on the floor in her room.

    She will not do laundry, FILs work clothes even, will not cook, clean. Nothing. I do it all plus run the ranch. Yes she has medical problems but she tells her doctor she is up and doing things. She don't . She sits or lays in that bed all day every day unless its fils' payday. She will not even get up to get a plate of dinner. I have to take it to her and collect plates after dinner. I know she has pain. I am very aware of it. But she starts moaning only when she hears someone in another room. She has over dosed on her pain and sleeping meds and I have to deal with it. I can not get any control of her meds until she is found incompetent. Her doctors will not declare other wise based on what she tells them. Her muscles are getting weak because she will not get out of that darn bed. She sits there all day playing facebook games. If she isn't doing that she is laying playing them. If she says something, later she will argue she didn't say it. [​IMG] Then tell people I'm a "witch" (you know what i mean) and I'm lying on her and trying to get people against her and to make her life *insert here*.

    I hate her dogs/cats. Don't get me wrong, I love animals. I just am not pleased with hers. They do what they want. If they don't want to go out to potty, guess where they go. And guess who has to clean it. I had the carpets ripped up and tile put down because of the animals. DH is not happy and is fixing to have a fit when he comes home. And goodness I haven't told him everything. Her dog has chewed up the living room furniture. Now she wants me to get a new set. Ummmm NO.

    She is only 61. I know her dad had Alzheimers. But I was told he was in his 70's when they found it. She goes into crying spells saying that she couldn't live with out me. That she'd die because she can't do anything. There are days I go "hide" in the pasture or sit in the coop petting my hens. I just have to get away and that is where I go.
    She won't get the test done because she says she is fine and don't have it. Fil won't push for it and goodness knows I don't have the power to. FIL just comes home and gets lost in his flying war games. Bil's don't care. They say she is my problems and they will not take care of her. I think I could handle things better if I knew there was a medical problem. Sometimes I think she is just spoiled and lazy. Then I feel bad because I think that.

    3 hrs sleep just don't go as far as it used to.
     
  2. Jerseycoop

    Jerseycoop Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I feel so bad for you. It sounds like you have no support system. Could she be bi-polar? Would explain her purchases and manic moods. You shouldn't have to do this alone..I think depression will take over you if you continue this way. Maybe a nusring home could better help her? Does your husband have the ability to talk to his family for help ...maybe alternate every month where she stays so you may get a break? You're a saint for helping your hubby's family out but this is going to kill you slowly...bottom line you need help. I wish you luck [​IMG]
     
  3. punk-a-doodle

    punk-a-doodle Chillin' With My Peeps

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    If SIL is concerned enough to call adult protective services...perhaps it is time she took care of her parents for a spell.

    At any rate, I am so sorry you are dealing with this, from the sound of things, alone. MIL sounds borderline to me. I hate you, don't leave me type thing, or as though she is at least not on healthy mental footing. Hope someone here can suggest options for you. [​IMG]
     
  4. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

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    Kitt, I'm sorry. I would take a bit of your burden if I could. [​IMG]

    I have a question for you. Is MIL's doctor aware that you are her primary caregiver? If so, I have a suggestion for you. Sit down and compose a letter to her doctor stating your concerns - alzheimers, etc. Mark the envelope "personal and confidential" and mail it before you can change your mind. It gets tricky, because of the privacy laws in place, but it just might open the doctors eyes and you'll gain an ally that is in a position to help.

    I have done this twice, once with my mother when I was the one responsible for her care and again, after my DH had a life-threatening illness and didn't bounce back emotionally afterwards. Both times the doctors handled the matter with compassion and tact. The issues were addressed at their very next visit, without Mom or DH being any the wiser.

    Worst case scenario? The doc tells you to mind your own business, but at least you benefit from having written it all out; which can be a help in itself.

    As far as the BILs and SILs go, tell them to take a long flying leap off a short pier. [​IMG]

    Feel free to PM me whenever you need a shoulder. [​IMG]
     
  5. corancher

    corancher Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Kitt

    Where is your husband? Are these his parents and why is he not handling this or at least helping?
     
  6. Kitt

    Kitt Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:My DH is in the military and out of the country. He tries to help but there isn't much he can do from where he is. And I don't tell him everything because he can't do anything and honestly, he don't need the added stress worrying about things he can't do.
     
  7. terrilhb

    terrilhb Chillin' With My Peeps

    Dec 11, 2010
    Georgia
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  8. ranchhand

    ranchhand Rest in Peace 1956-2011

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    Quote:My DH is in the military and out of the country. He tries to help but there isn't much he can do from where he is. And I don't tell him everything because he can't do anything and honestly, he don't need the added stress worrying about things he can't do.

    Exactly. Someone on military deployment doesn't need to hear the bad stuff. But it DOES make it much harder for the spouse struggling along at home.

    Not much I can offer in the way of help, beyond a sympathetic ear. [​IMG]

    I agree with all that Gritty said, especially the private note to the doctor. Email might work just as well. And as punk-a-doodle said, drag SIL in on the action. She needs to step up to the plate. BILs also need to get with the program, as well as FIL.

    It sounds like you got sucked into a situation where you have no real legal rights. Try to get some of that straightened out when you can.

    Best of luck, [​IMG]
     
  9. Kitt

    Kitt Chillin' With My Peeps

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    @ Jersey... No one in the family will deal with her. Her own sons flat refuse to do anything. They aren't worth much anyway. Her oldest don't even acknowledge she is his mother. He never calls or visits and when he does he is nasty and me being me..tells him to leave because I have to deal with the after math of his lovely visits.

    @ Grit...I wouldn't wish anyone to have to deal with her. Her doctors are military and she is in the process of changing doctors again. Then the doctors are moving to another site from the base and I don't know where or who she is seeing now. Or will be seeing. You can prob imagine what I tell Bils and Sils. I'm not nice about it either. Well I was at first, then I got to the point I just don't care.

    I had to block her from my Face book because of drama from her and Sil. I worry about the mix of medications she is on.
    Morphine
    Lyricia
    Ambien
    Percocet
    Tramadol
    a medication for "depression", blood pressure,
    and a few more bottles I don't know what they are for. Add to that Tylenol PM to help her sleep.

    Sil is just nosy and a snob at that. God forbid should she get her hands dirty. I told her if she thinks she can do this better than me, then please do it so I can have a vacation. I would enjoy it. Needless to say, she didn't do it. She just likes to make her phone calls and complain. If she ever comes out here again, I'm letting Crinkle out of his pen. As some of you know, Crinkle is my temperamental, often cranky EE roo. That would be a show to watch. [​IMG] Oh the things that gives me joy and entertainment.

    Heeeeere's Crinkle and he can hit like a Mac truck.
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2011
  10. Kitt

    Kitt Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:My DH is in the military and out of the country. He tries to help but there isn't much he can do from where he is. And I don't tell him everything because he can't do anything and honestly, he don't need the added stress worrying about things he can't do.

    Exactly. Someone on military deployment doesn't need to hear the bad stuff. But it DOES make it much harder for the spouse struggling along at home.

    Not much I can offer in the way of help, beyond a sympathetic ear. [​IMG]

    I agree with all that Gritty said, especially the private note to the doctor. Email might work just as well. And as punk-a-doodle said, drag SIL in on the action. She needs to step up to the plate. BILs also need to get with the program, as well as FIL.

    It sounds like you got sucked into a situation where you have no real legal rights. Try to get some of that straightened out when you can.

    Best of luck, [​IMG]

    Ranchy,
    I'm about to get every roo I can and just start letting them loose on people. Forget guard dogs. Just give me roos.

    Fil don't do much because as he said "he don't want to her her throw her fits and complain etc etc etc". I love Fil to death but I keep telling him to put on his big boy undies. She'll shut up eventually.
     

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