Cemetery Headstone question...

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Spookwriter, May 17, 2010.

  1. Spookwriter

    Spookwriter Overrun With Chickens

    Feb 23, 2010
    Now comes a time when I am responsible for ordering a headstone
    for my late uncle.

    He left no close family other than my Mother and my aunt, in Indiana.
    Being a good son, I will deal with it.

    As you may or may not know, grave monuments can easily cross into
    some fairly high dollars. And designs? Looks like no limit to what can
    be done.

    What size would you think to be seen as "acceptable"? Or how detailed
    should it be? Both my Mom and aunt say to keep it simple. A recent stone
    done for another family member crossed over the six thousand dollar mark.
    Fairly certain that isn't what I want.

    Not interested in keeping up with the Jones's.

    Looks like the AVERAGE granite stone is six inches wide, on a six inch granite
    base. They produce the same stone at only four inches thick for a third of the
    price. Both include simple artwork, set-up and warrenty.

    I've seen the stone. A real attractive piece the company had already prepared
    for someone else as a double stone. So it isn't like it's too small.

    Just that detail of being two inches thinner. Would it bother you?

    All in, this stone comes to $423.73.....stunning price on todays market for a stone.
    I'm really, really, really tempted.

    Last stone I personally bought was twenty years ago at over $2500 then, for my

    Pricewise, it's a no-brainer. Both stones comparable in size. (this one and the $6,000
    one ) They paid dearly for their choice of artwork. And that's fine with me. They did what
    they felt like they wanted to do. Several personal pictures etched in.

    But that isn't what I feel I'm after. Just something simple...praying hands, a cross.

    My question to everybody is would that two inch thinner stone matter to you? Would you
    even notice? It's our family cementery, stones of all sizes going back many years.

    My wifes parent's stone was much easier...their choice was a public cementery where all
    stones are the same flat size for upkeep purpose.


    Next thought....does anyone have any good ideals on a website to look at pictures for a
    stone? I couldn't find one online.

    I don't usually second guess myself. But I want this to be right when I'm done.
    Last edited: May 17, 2010
  2. Randy

    Randy Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 12, 2009
    "Both my Mom and aunt say to keep it simple."

    That's what I would do. If they are his closest living relatives and that's what they want then I would follow thier wishes.
  3. sgtmom52

    sgtmom52 Birds & Bees

    I also say keep it simple. I don't understand the need to spend large amounts of money for funerals and grave markers.
  4. silkiechicken

    silkiechicken Staff PhD Premium Member

    I would keep it simple as family wishes. To me a stone is just a marker, the person only lives on in memories and the body is just a shell, so why spend thousands on a stone to mark what is not really there.
  5. Rafter 7 Paint Horses

    Rafter 7 Paint Horses Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 13, 2007
    East Texas
    A 4 inch thick stone is certainly appropriate.

    A nice cross or praying hands engraved would be a nice touch. Personally, I like the cross better.

    Bless you for doing this. It touches my heart to hear about extended family taking on the responsibility to make sure the departed loved ones are respected and remembered.

  6. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sorry for your loss, and for the fact the details got dumped on you.

    I seriously doubt your Uncle is going to give a fig how thick the rock is.

    If anyone else has a problem, then maybe they should speak up and chip in to pay for the extra two inches.

    Just my opinion, but it's a freakin' rock, if that's what your focus is rather than the man you're supposed to be mourning then I SO don't care about your opinion.

    Go with what feels right to you, if you are concerned that others might get their knickers in a twist then let them know your plans and that if they want to pay the other 2/3? then you'd be happy to change it to the larger stone. Basically put up or shut up. If you gave them the choice (after they dumped the choice on you mind) and they choose not to chip in, then they have no call to be miffed at you... though that doesn't always stop folks.

  7. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

    Jan 4, 2009
    Tempe, Arizona
    Was your uncle a veteran? If so, he is entitled to a grave marker from the VA (as would be his spouse). They have several simple designs available. It's been several years since we helped my late MIL select the style for FIL. In their case it was one marker with a plate for each of them. Since she was still living, hers was left mostly blank (name and birth year were engraved at the time; her death date later.

    I would imagine that you can find the available choices online; even if your uncle was not a veteran, it will give you an idea of simple designs.

    My condolences to you and your family.

    Here is a link: http://www.cem.va.gov/hm_hm.asp on one of hte pages they give the size of headstones, and they are 4" thick.
    Last edited: May 17, 2010
  8. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln
    My hubby had to take care of his grandmother's headstone by putting on the date of her death....it was ten years after she passed away before he finally got the money (with both of our blessings of our income tax). His father was the excutor and he took the money and didn't do anything to it.

    Now hubby's aunt passed away more than 15 years ago and still needs a date year on her headstone. Again, it was his father's responsibility and took the money as well. So hubby wanted to take care of it next year if we have enough.

    It is not cheap nowadays to get a headstone or have someone take care of the engravings.

    If they want to keep it simple, simple it is!
  9. teach1rusl

    teach1rusl Love My Chickens

    Doesn't matter a lick! Choose the cheapest option since you agreed to take on this responsibility. As was pointed out by others: If family members gripe, hand the job over to them...and if he was a veteran give the VA a call.
  10. chickenzoo

    chickenzoo Emu Hugger

    Coming from a Glass/stone etcher, the only difference in thickness of the stone would be if you wanted something deep carved in it, then i could see needing a thicker one. But as it stands, the 4 inch one is fine and should be plenty thick for what needs to be done. It is not the headstone that marks the person, it is who he was as a man. It is kind that you are so concerned, I'm sure he would be pleased someone took the time to care.

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