Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by mdbucks, Dec 19, 2007.

  1. mdbucks

    mdbucks Cooped Up

    Jul 14, 2007
    EXIT 109 on 95
    another e-mail with the christmas season in mind

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 01, 2007
    RE: Christmas Party
    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
    There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
    And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up as Santa Claus!
    A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees who drew names can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
    Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
    Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 02, 2007
    RE: Holiday Party
    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
    We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."
    The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
    There will be no Christmas tree . No Christmas carols will be sung.
    We will have other types of music. Happy now?
    Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 03, 2007
    RE: Holiday Party
    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table .... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
    How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
    Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    To: All Employees
    DATE: October 04, 2007
    RE: Holiday Party
    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
    There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
    Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
    Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
    To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though.
    We will have booster seats for short people.
    Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
    We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first.
    There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
    Did I miss anything?!?!?
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All BAD WORD Employees
    DATE: October 05, 2007
    RE: The BAD WORD Holiday Party
    Vegetarian FOLKS I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your BAD WORD salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
    Drive drunk and die,
    The Witch from HECK!!!!!!!!
    FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    DATE: October 06, 2007
    RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
    Happy Holidays!
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2007
  2. PurpleChicken

    PurpleChicken Tolerated.....Mostly

    Apr 6, 2007
    Now I'm Laughing...

    The old MD is back...
  3. rooster-red

    rooster-red Here comes the Rooster

    Jun 10, 2007
    Douglasville GA
    Bad thing is this is really happening out there somewhere!
  4. Wildsky

    Wildsky Wild Egg!

    Oct 13, 2007
    [​IMG] I thought you were inviting everyone to a party!
  5. hsm5grls

    hsm5grls Songster

    Oct 3, 2007
  6. BantyChickMom

    BantyChickMom Songster

    Sep 25, 2007
    Henderson, NC
  7. [​IMG] Thanks md that was funny!!!!!
  8. hcammack

    hcammack Crowing

    Oct 5, 2007
    I love it this reminds me of the show the office.
  9. okiechick57

    okiechick57 Songster

    [​IMG] too funny. I have NO doubt it did happen...... I should sue because they didnt mention us okies [​IMG]
  10. Sherriekim

    Sherriekim Songster

    Aug 20, 2007
    Southwest Idaho
    I thought it was going to be an invite for everybody who didn't have plans for Christmas Day or Eve to come chat at such and such time.I should have know it was a joke! [​IMG] Editing to add, it was a good joke and I do like jokes. re read what i wrote and it sounded like i was complaining.
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2007

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