Church Bloopers

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by BettyR, Jun 22, 2011.

  1. BettyR

    BettyR Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Mar 1, 2008
    Texas Gulf Coast
    These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:



    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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    At the evening servicetonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
     
  2. hisdaughter

    hisdaughter Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 30, 2011
    Lakeland
    All very funny![​IMG]
     
  3. speckledhen

    speckledhen Intentional Solitude Premium Member

    [​IMG]
     
  4. equinehugger3

    equinehugger3 Overrun With Chickens

    Apr 14, 2010
    [​IMG] Hilarious:)
     
  5. Princess Amri

    Princess Amri Is Mostly Harmless

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    Jul 16, 2009
    best coast
    [​IMG] Oh my. Those are funny!
     
  6. NixNoodleNumbat

    NixNoodleNumbat Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 1, 2011
    Australia
    Me reading this:
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
    My favourite would have to be: "All proceeds will be used to cripple children."
     
  7. magistradomina

    magistradomina Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 6, 2010
    Where I live.
    Haha! [​IMG]
     
  8. SanctusPullus

    SanctusPullus Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jun 4, 2011
    Austin, Texas
    My Coop
    "LIKE" [​IMG]

    "... Proceeds will be used to cripple children." - Too much lol!
     
  9. Tanichca

    Tanichca Sparkle Magnet

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    May 6, 2009
    Vail, Arizona
    [​IMG] this cheered me right up [​IMG]
     
  10. arianna

    arianna Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Sep 8, 2010
    North Carolina
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
    It's been a long time since I laughed so good. May I copy and repost some of this?
     

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