Church Bulletins

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by Mahonri, Apr 23, 2009.

  1. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

    30,361
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    May 14, 2008
    North Phoenix
    My Coop
    They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank Heavens for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door..
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    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
     
  2. B. Saffles Farms

    B. Saffles Farms Mr. Yappy Chickenizer

    Nov 23, 2008
    Madisonville, TN
    [​IMG] [​IMG] These always make me laugh. [​IMG]
     
  3. The Poultry Peanut

    The Poultry Peanut lives under rock

    I [​IMG] AM LAUGHING [​IMG] SO HARD I'M CRYING [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] where do you get those? [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  4. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

    30,361
    151
    446
    May 14, 2008
    North Phoenix
    My Coop
    Quote:I have funny friends.
     
  5. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

    30,361
    151
    446
    May 14, 2008
    North Phoenix
    My Coop
    NEWS BULLETIN
    The latest telephone poll taken by the Arizona Governor's office
    asked whether people who live in Arizona think illegal immigration is
    a serious problem.

    29 percent of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."

    71 percent of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa."
     
  6. B. Saffles Farms

    B. Saffles Farms Mr. Yappy Chickenizer

    Nov 23, 2008
    Madisonville, TN
    Quote:[​IMG]
     
  7. ZooMummzy

    ZooMummzy Queen of the Zoo

    Mar 31, 2008
    Philomath, Oregon
    [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  8. chickencoop31320

    chickencoop31320 Have bator, will hatch

    Sep 24, 2008
    Southeast Georgia
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     

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