Cute ones indeed...

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by Cetawin, Jan 19, 2009.

  1. Cetawin

    Cetawin Chicken Beader

    13,752
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    Mar 20, 2008
    NW Kentucky
    Now men...do not get twisted over this...my mommy sent them to me. LOL


    The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he notice d a piece of paper by the bed.

    The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'

    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

    =====================

    WOMEN'S REVENGE

    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

    As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

    =========================

    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
    (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

    I know I'm not going to understand women.

    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
     
  2. Run-A-Muck Ranch

    Run-A-Muck Ranch Chillin' With My Peeps

    hahahaha those are cute....Will have to see if I can pull up some old emails I had saved that had some cute things like these in them...
     
  3. Run-A-Muck Ranch

    Run-A-Muck Ranch Chillin' With My Peeps

    These are some very useless facts that you will most likley not remember but are still interesting.

    People who live in the city have longer thicker nose hairs.

    If Barbie (Barbara Millicent Roberts) where life size her measurements would be 39-23-33, she would stand 7 ft., 2 in. tall, and her neck would be twice the length of a normal humans.

    Pirates wore earrings in the belief it improved their eyesight.

    Ping-Pong balls are impossible to flush down the toilet.

    The Snickers bar was named after a horse the Mars family owned.

    Shakespear invented more than 1,700 words including Assasination and bump.

    A blind chameleon still changes color to match its environment.

    Mickey Mouse was named after Mickey Rooney. (Walt Disney was scared of mice.)

    The original Of Mice and Men was eaten by John Steinbeck's dog so he had to rewright the book.

    71% of office workers stopped on the street for a survey agreed to give up their computer passwords in exchange for a chocolate bar.

    Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

    Women speak on average 7,000 words a day, men, an average of just over 2,000.

    There are more Barbie Dolls in Italy than Canadians in Canada.

    Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words.

    IOU stands for I owe unto.

    Alcohol does not kill brain cells it just detaches them. Reattachment would require new nervous tissue, which we can't produce after the the age of 5.

    As a child, Hitler was beat into a two day coma by his father.

    Hitler's mother was talked out of having an abortion by her doctor.

    Tennessee was originally called Franklin after Ben Franklin.

    Blubirds can't see the color blue.

    The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the U.S.

    When Hippopotamuses get upset, their sweat turns red.

    Humans and elephants are the only animals that can stand on their heads.

    Lynyrd Skynyrd named themselves after Leonard Skinner, a disliked gym teacher at their high school.

    Male Monkey go bald in much the same way men do.

    People forget 80% of what they learn everyday.
     
  4. Run-A-Muck Ranch

    Run-A-Muck Ranch Chillin' With My Peeps

    found these too....

    The Modern Toolbox

    Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

    Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

    Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

    Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

    Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

    Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

    Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

    Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

    Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.

    Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

    Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

    Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.
     
  5. Run-A-Muck Ranch

    Run-A-Muck Ranch Chillin' With My Peeps

    deleted 'cuz I don't know what I am doing....tried to add picture and did it wrong...oh well
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2009

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