I don't know how many of you know anything about CF, but the gist of it is mucous plugs a bunch of organs in your body and the person with it ends up not being able to breathe well all their life. Life expectancy is around 30-something for those who were diagnosed early in life (there are variations in the disease and some can be diagnosed as adults with a milder form). So my point of this is my friend of 20 years just died yesterday from this. She was 29. I live in CT and she lives in ABQ. I flew out three times this year to see her, with the last time being about a month ago when she was put on hospice. She suffered so much these last couple years. Her lungs could only work around 15% capacity plus they were infected with at least 6 different colonies of bacteria (since mucous likes to trap stuff). And she had co-morbidities like diabetes, pain from scar tissues, etc. For months we have been talking about death and all that. She had tried suicide a few times by way of taking pills, but her liver was so shot from all the meds she's been on her whole life coupled with liver failure due to CF that those 10 ambien she took just gave her a 3 hour nap. So it's basically a relief she has passed. She was suffering so much. So why am I so sad? I knew this was coming. We did a report together on CF in 5th grade, so I've known since then she wouldn't make it much past 30. We were hoping this would come soon. But I feel this emptiness. She is the first human that I was close to that has passed away. My grandparents have died, but I was not close to them. I should not be sad. I should be jumping for joy that she's not bed-ridden and wishing she was dead. So why do I feel sad? I find this to be a very interesting emotional reaction to the situation and I'm just trying to make sense of it.