Dear Dogs and Cats

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by badnfluinz, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. badnfluinz

    badnfluinz Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 9, 2009
    Viola, Illinois
    To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door – nose height.

    Dear Dogs and Cats:

    The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming you food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door closed, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years, canine or feline attendance is not required.

    The proper way to kiss me, then go to smell the other dog or cats butt.

    I cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door.

    To all Non-Pet Owners who Visit and Like to Complain Abut Our Pets!

    They live here, you do not.
    If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture
    (that is why it is called “fur”niture)

    I like my pets a lot better then I like most people.
    To you, it’s an animal, to me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.

    Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

    Eat less
    Don’t ask for money all the time
    Are easier to train
    Normally come when they are called (well, OK, the cat thinks about it)
    Never ask to drive the car
    Don’t hang out with drug-using friends
    Don’t smoke or drink
    Don’t have to buy the latest fashions
    Don’t want to wear your clothes
    Don’t need a ‘gazillion’ dollars for college

    And Finally

    11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
  2. momma's chickens

    momma's chickens Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 10, 2008
    I need to post those rules on my frig because almost of them pertain to my dogs and cats. Thanks for sharing! [​IMG]
  3. badnfluinz

    badnfluinz Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 9, 2009
    Viola, Illinois
    I thought it was great! And so true! My dh works nights and guess where my dogs sleep. When he gets home he has to actually pick them up and make them move so he can go to bed. LOL Says I love the dogs more then him. uuuuuummmmmmmmm
  4. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    Love it, thanks!
  5. BFeathered

    BFeathered Chillin' With My Peeps

    Aug 29, 2008
    North Texas
    LOL! So true... gonna have to print and 'fridge it here too. Even the gimpy 15yo cat still tries to murder me on the stairs.
  6. nzpouter

    nzpouter Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 19, 2009
    new zealand
    Quote:Don't know about you.... but if I see my dog paw in the mid of my plate and food.... it usually DO become their food.... [​IMG]
  7. Judy

    Judy Chicken Obsessed Staff Member Premium Member

    Feb 5, 2009
    South Georgia

    Great stuff. My favorite is you can sell the children....
  8. chickencoop31320

    chickencoop31320 Have bator, will hatch

    Sep 24, 2008
    Southeast Georgia
    Quote:My favorite too... VERY funny [​IMG]
  9. badnfluinz

    badnfluinz Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 9, 2009
    Viola, Illinois
    Sometimes I wish I could sell my children! They are driving me crazy! Two 16 yr olds that think they know everything. Gonna pinch their little heads off! [​IMG]
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2009
  10. KattyKillFish

    KattyKillFish Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 8, 2009
    Dillingham, Alaska
    ever notice how cat & dog hair sticks to everything but the cat & dog??

    [​IMG] i am severely allergic to cats. i have 2 of them anyway. LOVE THEM!

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