Diary of a Bantam Rooster - The Tale of Sparta [New Fanfiction]

Discussion in 'Pictures & Stories of My Chickens' started by Tigress, Jul 30, 2010.

  1. Tigress

    Tigress Out Of The Brooder

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    Jul 15, 2010
    This is just a little fic-let I wrote about some of my hatchery birds. The style is watered down from the way I normally write so most can understand it and not just adults. Anyone want me to continue? It was fun writing. Don't steal this, it is my property and creation.


    It all started when my they opened my egg tray of the giant incubator full of creamy white egg shells and all of my brothers and sisters. I saw a large object smiling at me, and it brought its hand down to stroke the back of my head.
    “Lily! Enough playing with the chicks! We need to ship them out by 4 this afternoon!” A deep voice sounded.
    The owner of the voice walked over and started to pick out my siblings and put them into an open plastic container. When he reached for me, I ran. I did not want to be away from the first person I saw. I knew she was my mother. I tried my best to lunge for her, hoping she would save me from this man. But he caught me, and I was easily cast into the box. “Mother! Mother! Don’t let them take me!” I screeched as loud as my tiny body could. But she couldn’t understand me and casually walked away to the next incubator, opening another tray of hatchlings looking just like me.
    The man clipped something on our box as soon as he set us down on a metal table. It read ‘St Run Old English Game Bantam – BB Red’ and was poorly written in cursive on a pink sticky note. I knew I was an Old English Game Bantam, or dwarfed variety of a breed called ‘Old English Game’, but I wondered what BB Red meant and why they put St Run on the box. How could they not know I was male?
    I soon found out the second part of the note when a box labeled ‘Standard Ameraucana Pullets’ was placed parallel to mine. I pushed my way to one of the holes on the side of the box and yelled “Hey! Why am I called ‘BB Red’? Do any of you guys know where we are going?”
    A giant brown chick with puffy cheeks like a chipmunk came to the side of her box and looked at me through the hole. We couldn’t smile because we had beaks, but we could see the light in each other’s eyes. She finally answered, “Howdy! This is a hatchery,” she gestured with her tiny wing, “and we are fixing to go into the mail and find new homes. You are called a BB Red because that is what your plumage will be- black and red.”
    “Do you have a name?” I asked. The reply came as “Name’s Banshee. And Yours?”
    “I call myself Sparta.” I said the first thing that came to mind. I had heard one of the other chicks say the word a few minutes ago and it sounded cool. I noticed Banshee look up towards a looming shadow. That man was back, and this time he grabbed Banshee and put her in a new box with some of her sisters. I jumped up and down, trying to get the man’s attention. I wanted to go with her!
    “Excited to go to the feed store in old Cowtown, are we?” he said to me, and reached in, gently picking me up and putting me in the same new box I had seen Banshee go into.
    Soon after I was in the second box, what Banshee called a ‘shipping box’, the lid closed and it was dark again, much like the darkness of my incubator. I noticed there were many different chicks in our box, and even what Banshee called ‘ducks’. They looked strange; they had wide, flat bills, and giant webbed feet that they waddled around on.
    Banshee huddled beside me, and I realized how tall she was compared to me. “I like your eye stripes,” she said after a few moments, “they make you look cool.”
    “And I like your puffy cheeks!” I said back to her.
    Eventually we grew tired of talking and ignored the noises coming from outside of the box. We both lay down, and the world became peaceful when sleep overcame me.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Wrote this in Microsoft Word so I have no idea if it will add extra code or not when I paste it into the thread. BTW they came from Ideal Poultry, but this hatchery is fictional. I have no idea if a real 'Lily' works there, otherwise I would change the name.

    Also, I will take character requests! If you want me to use your bird then please post their name, age, breed/species, gender and personality and I'll write about them along with my birds [​IMG]

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  2. awesomefowl

    awesomefowl Argues with Goats

    Cooool! [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  3. AJ666

    AJ666 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 5, 2010
    La Crosse, WI
    You are a good writer! you must continue spartas story! [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  4. tinychicky

    tinychicky Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Mar 24, 2010
    Hollis, New Hampshire
    hmmm... i started something similar a few months back about my hen, tiny. you're a great writer, but i'd suggest adding a few more "chicken-like" qualities to your characters. for example, how would sparta know what a chipmunk look like right away after hatching? how does he know what smiling is? just a few things to consider. keep posting, though- i'd love to hear more about sparta's adventures!
     
  5. Tigress

    Tigress Out Of The Brooder

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    Jul 15, 2010
    Quote:Thank you so much for the suggestion and it will be considered. I am just so used to writing about humans I must have forgotten about that. I am writing this to test the waters of my 'writing about chickens' ability. I also realized from your post that I made a bad mistake that will come back to bite me. I seem to be using Banshee as an escape route for things Sparta doesn't understand (example, she knows what a hatchery is, also ducks) yet she is the same exact age, possibly a few hours older since she had to be sexed as a pullet. I will change this in the future.

    Also, thank you to the others who commented! I appreciate it! [​IMG]
     
  6. tinychicky

    tinychicky Chillin' With My Peeps

    2,623
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    Mar 24, 2010
    Hollis, New Hampshire
    Quote:Thank you so much for the suggestion and it will be considered. I am just so used to writing about humans I must have forgotten about that. I am writing this to test the waters of my 'writing about chickens' ability. I also realized from your post that I made a bad mistake that will come back to bite me. I seem to be using Banshee as an escape route for things Sparta doesn't understand (example, she knows what a hatchery is, also ducks) yet she is the same exact age, possibly a few hours older since she had to be sexed as a pullet. I will change this in the future.

    Also, thank you to the others who commented! I appreciate it! [​IMG]

    don't worry about it, i started doing the same thing with one of my characters to explain everything to the main character when they were chicks. after a while i noticed and decided that they must learn about the world together-one can't know everything just hours after the egg after all. however they have to know SOME things, right? just perhaps not anything outside any normal chicken's understanding. keep writing, though- i'd love to here more about sparta's adventures!
     

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