Diary of a Snow Shoveler


11 Years
Aug 16, 2008
We moved from Florida to Massachusetts and on December 8: 6:00 P.M.

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took

our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft

flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So

romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9:

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every

inch of landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more

lovely place in the whole world? Moving up here was the best idea I

have ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a

boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalk s. This

afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and

closed in the driveway, so I got up to shovel again. What a perfect


December 12:

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My

neighbor tells me not to worry, we will definitely have a white

Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have

so much snow by the end of the winter, that I'll never want to see

snow again. I don't thing that's possible. Bob is such a nice man,

I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14:

Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20?

The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,

but I warmed by shoveling the driveway and the sidewalks. This is the

life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything

again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,

but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff

and puff so.

December 15:

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4X4 Blazer. Bough

snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.

The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I

think that silly, we aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16:

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway

putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,

which I think was very cruel.

December 17:

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to

stay warm. Nothin g to do but to stare at the wife and try not to

irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit

it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I am

freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20:

Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the darn stuff last

night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice.

Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too

busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware

store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might

have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I

have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think

he's lying.

December 22:

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the

white mess fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till

August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel

and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and

dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has

a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too

busy. I think he is lying.

December 23:

Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to 0?. The wife wanted me to

decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts!!

Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did

but I think she's lying.

December 24:

6" snow packed so hard by the snowplow. I broke the shovel.

Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a #%*

who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow and beat him to

death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and

waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at

a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I have just been!

Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open

our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25:

Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the Slop tonight. Snowed in.

The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I am an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" once more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26:

Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move up here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27:

Temperature dropped to -30? and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,200 to replace all my pipes.

December 28:

Warmed up to above -50?. Still snowed in. The wife is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29:

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I have ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30:

Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars not only for the beating but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his butt. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31:

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8:

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me, but why am I tied to the bed?


11 Years
Mar 20, 2008
I'm glad it doesn't get that cold here. I don't hate snow it just annoys me sometimes


11 Years
Apr 17, 2008
Poconos, PA
It's funnier every time I read it. We get a buttload of snow every year, but I love it. I don't mind shoveling walks or driveways... I just don't like driving in the stuff...


11 Years
Apr 21, 2008
Wow, I think maybe Winter isn't for Southern folk. They have pampered themselves with sun and beaches! We Northern folk are tough! We can take the cold!(or a least i can)

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