Gee, I wish I could say that was just a fake title to get people to look... So, here's how it all went down: I was out in my suburban backyard, collecting some rocks to put over the potting soil around my lemon and lime trees to keep my chickens from digging out the roots as they LOVE to do. Suddenly I felt a sharp stinging in several places on my hands and realized that one of the rocks I had picked up was covered in FIRE ANTS!!! I dropped the rocks and started swatting at the ones that were gnawing on my hands and wrists...then I felt a sting on my throat and flailed at that area as well. I looked down to see if there were any more and realized that the whole front of my tank top was COVERED in fire ants, so off came the shirt. Of course I wasn't wearing a bra (hey, it was a weekend! ), but I was too busy slapping ants off of myself to care much about modesty. I made it to the back porch before losing my pants, and left a trail of ant-covered clothes across the lawn. Meanwhile, my husband was standing in the back yard laughing his a$$ off, and my chickens were all standing around staring at me like I'd lost my mind! I can only hope that none of my neighbors (or their kids) were out in their back yards or looking out the window at the time of my "show!"